The last few weeks…

 Easter week started well enough but by Thursday it had well and truly deteriorated and I was in a foul mood. I just felt pulled and pushed in all directions, feeling bad mentally, tired physically and yeah, just over it ALL! The worst part is my exhaustion is self imposed, so I get to feel guilty about that too! 

On Friday morning I decided I was NOT going to put on my running kit, I was going to go out shopping, have a coffee, read my book and then browse on line until lunch time. A whole morning to myself doing whatever it was I fancied! My mood started to pick up… I still did my run that afternoon and we left early for the house too (the girls still had school despite it being Good Friday). Easter weekend was wet, grey and miserable which made it easy to slow down and do very little.  The long weekend was restful. We enjoyed lie ins, lazy breakfasts, lots of reading and good food. Slowly I began to unwind, ache less, smile more and generally relax! 

The following week was the one that led up to my birthday. Throughout the week my packages kept arriving. Yay! I also caught a cold starting with a sore throat and being so congested I couldn’t sleep. On Thursday night I woke up at 2.30am and basically never went back to sleep and yet on Friday morning I put on my new ASICS and ran 19km in two hours. I was on such a high after that. It was amazing! Back home, I stretches and did the fastest turnaround ever so I could be at Giacomo’s for lunch. It did not disappoint - truffle pasta and tiramisu. Delicious! 

With my cold my birthday was pretty tame plus Leia had a kick boxing competition and confirmation mass so that mostly shaped my day. I did enjoy being spoilt with my presents, lots of books, toiletries, chocolates, smelly candle, a new handbag ideal for travelling because it is HUGE, J Crew order of 2 candy striped shirts, a red bikini, navy shirts and a sequinned tee and some lovely earrings too. Dinner at Cinq that was as delicious as ever finished my day.

This week as been crazy too. Leia caught my cold and was off on Monday, she left for a confirmation retreat on Wednesday. Then Amaia was off with a cold (it got her worse than all of us!) for Thursday and Friday. I managed to do three runs and yesterday’s one of 22.5km was painfully slow. Thankfully there was some good stuff too, soup kitchen, breakfast with a friends and an unexpected glass of wine with a friend in the sunshine so I won’t complain too much.

The tourists and the sunshine have both arrived and Monaco is heaving. The Monte Carlo Masters is in full swing and there are far too many people on my running route ambling along and driving me crazy. The weekend promises more sunshine and we haven’t much planned other than the girls’ LAMDA exams on Sunday. Wish them luck!

Lent success and birthday weakness

 I didn’t give up sugar for Lent in the end. The two weeks of holiday put an end to that plus the marathon training meant the extra calories were needed. What I did give up was online shopping. I didn’t think I’d last but I did. My daily morning fix of Vente Privée and Westwing has finally been broken! I still check in at some point in the day but knowing I can’t buy anything really dampens the appeal. Until this week… Next week is my birthday and I seem to have some irrational fear of not having any presents to open whilst not actually wanting anything in particular. I did buy some books on Amazon and some toiletries on Lookfantastic and then I had a bit of a spree in JCrew… whoops. Three online hits in two days! But it is done now, I am safe knowing I will have some lovely books to browse, some pampering treats and if I’m lucky a new top or two in time for my birthday. 

Now the rain has stopped I’m off to do 10km while girls have LAMDA. 

Simplicity

I’ve noticed with my marathon training that my days are predictable and surprisingly simple. Every week (Monday to Friday) I do four runs,  two short, one medium and one long. I have one rest day which I don’t rush to fill with activities. I do soup kitchen and my piano lesson on Thursdays, yoga on Wednesdays, Friday afternoon is put aside for Nancy and I to catch up on Skype and socially I do one coffee a week and one lunch a week. But since I started my marathon training I’ve also noticed I make more time for daily prayer, reading, PEAK training, piano practice, tidying and even this blog! I’m not complaining, I love this lack of choice, lack of decision making and knowing what every day holds for me. It makes life surprisingly easy when you strip away all the unnecessary noise and keep the bits you want and enjoy, yes even piano is different when you practice daily! It isn’t even mid day on a Wednesday and I’m already posting… see what I mean? 

Running update

On Friday I ran a very slow but manageable 15.5km (almost 10 miles). I then walked a couple of kilometres home, did some stretches and ate lunch. Throughout the afternoon I kept waiting for my body to ache, seize up, feel exhausted but it never did. I felt absolutely fine. Today I ran 17.3km and again, my body feels fine. I’m not exhausted (just hungry!) and have gone about my day as normal. I’m not pretending the training isn’t hard because it is but I am quite happy with how my body is adapting. Now I just need to go a little bit faster!

Tough Day

 Yesterday was sooooo hard.

I ran a slow and challenging 13km. I really didn’t enjoy it and whilst I tried to stay in the moment the internal dialogue did not stop! I had to keep reminding myself that marathon training IS a challenge. Yes, I have run several marathons so I know I CAN do it but my body changes with each year that passes. My 2024 body (nearly 49 years old body) is struggling, just back from holidays and indulging and my running routine hasn’t kicked in yet. So it was hard. After the run I still had a good 2km walk home and literally changed my shoes and top and did another walk (up to the rock) to meet Amaia for lunch. Then I walked home. By then I’d clocked up about 23km of running and walking and I was soooooo exhausted. Luckily my weekly chat to Nancy kept me sitting and still for a good 90 minutes! 

The rest of the day I just wanted to take it easy, my body was in shock, it was sore and did I mention how tired I was. I’m looking forward to getting into some routine but ouch, it hurts in the meantime.

Contentment feels like this….

I am writing this at my desk, the desk that is normally a dumping ground for everything but this afternoon I tidied my room, my drawers and my desk. Husband is out tonight and I am enjoying this space. Hey, I may even keep it tidy enough to do this again.

Today has been a good day and I can’t quite put my finger on why. It has been a satisfying, lovely, content, warm, fuzzy feeling inside kind of a day and yet strangely nothing out of the ordinary has happened. 

Well, actually something unusual did happen this morning. At the soup kitchen I was tasked with packing the sandwiches in their crates and bag. This is normally Mabel’s job, she is “the Boss” and has a very certain way of doing things. She is a formidable 87 year old who you don’t want to mess with. The last year or so I have found myself by her side wrapping sandwiches for her to pack and we work well together. Over the holidays I received an email telling me I was to take over her role while she was on holiday this week. I was slightly terrified! But today, despite being very low on volunteers, it all went well and without a hitch. Phew! 

After soup kitchen I had my usual coffee and catch up with Alison and then headed home for a bit of piano practice. My piano playing is deteriorating as I am finding it so hard. My progress is slower than ever! After a two week holiday I actually felt sorry for my teacher having to listen to me kill the tune over and over again. But I did it and hadn’t forgotten it all so that was also a relief.

The rest of the afternoon was calm, productive but in a gentle way. I didn’t feel harassed or tired or bored. As I ironed I listened to “The Power of Now” then actually tried to enjoy the time ironing, the same with the tidying, calmly, in the moment and strangely enough this just seem to add more time to my day! Eventually I read my book, listened to a podcast, prepared dinner, did some laundry, wrote my diary, did some habit planning and now am writing this post and still the day isn’t over! 

I’m sorry this isn’t an exciting post but really I feel so zen and calm right now I don’t want to break that spell!

A weary but happy traveller

 We have just had a two week half term. It was a bit hectic with lots of travel plans but I am relieved to say it all went wonderfully well! 

First stop was St Anton, our usual haunt, same hotel, same restaurants but a bigger group of friends. What isn’t apparent is the amount of effort required getting all our ski stuff in order. Our hall way is overflowing with kit and bags are bursting with all the layers of clothing required. Unfortunately we don’t have a chalet to leave our kit in during the year!! 

St Anton was great. We have been going to the same hotel all these years and it is always lovely to return. Plus the girls are older now so I really wasn’t needed when it came to ski school, drop offs or pick up. It meant we enjoyed long lunches and relaxing mornings (at least for the non skiers!). This holiday couldn’t have been easier. The girls were immediately placed in the correct ski class and they stayed with the same instructor all week. They were relaxed and enjoyed the skiing as well as all the socialising after. 

We got back to Monaco on Saturday night and Sunday afternoon the girls and I were off to Valencia. We were getting the late flight but that was fine. All flights arrived on time and we were at my parents’ house shortly before midnight. The next two days were spent relaxing with my parents and aunt and not trying to fit a million things in. It was lovely! My mum made amazing food and I managed to start running again. 

We headed to London on Wednesday morning. We were sight seeing around London in the afternoon, eating in Wagamama’s early evening and watching the Lion King that night. Thursday was more walking and sights Borough Market, London Bridge, Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly, Oxford Street, Marylebone and Covent Garden. We ate amazing meals in little tucked away cafes and restaurants that we’d researched on line, discovered corners of London I had never paid much attention to and then a final dinner at the hotel. Too exhausted to do much else. Friday lunchtime we left for Monaco and home by 5pm in time for the weekend!

Needless to say the weekend was quiet! We slept a lot and thankfully the awful weather allowed us not to feel guilty about it. I ran a bit too and did my first over 10 km without any drama (other than wet trainers).

I’m still washing and ironing all the holiday stuff while also trying to get on top of the two weeks dust and dirt. The first week back is alway a bit manic and crazy but I shall take it all in my stride!

Bit busy…

This week has been good. I was going to write busy, but when isn’t it busy? Exactly! Just to give you and idea of my week so far….

Monday, 5km run, house hold chores, piano, walked to Decathlon to get Amaia some ski kit, Leia comes home, pick up Amaia and accompany her to dentist, make dinner (leftovers - thankfully!), dinner, iron, get girls to bed, watch a little light TV and am very ready for bed by 10pm!

According to my Oura ring I’ve walked the equivalent of 18.7km. (7 hours of inactivity)

Tuesday, do my first 10km run since the Summer, the weather is gorgeous, as I walk home I get a call from a friend and meet her across Monaco, coffee and chat, head home and get ready for lunch, meet friend on other side of MC, head home, Leia comes home, pick up Amaia and take her ridiculously heavy bag home as she heads to Chiropractor. Leia and I head across Monaco (again) for kick boxing in the Stade. Walk home. Greet Amaia’s LAMDA teacher who is doing an extra lesson. Make dinner and do some chores in the evening as husband is out. Collapse in my bed around 10pm.

Oura ring says I’ve walked equivalent of 32.6km. (6 hours of inactivity)

Wednesday, I do my weekly la Turbie walk, come home and try desperately to relax. Make lunch for the girls as they are home at 12pm. Have Myo session on line with Amaia. Then girls have LAMDA. At least this is all at home. I do some shopping and head back. Get ready for yoga. No more walking as Alison picks me up and then an amazingly restorative hour of yin yoga. Back home, some chores, dinner for husband, iron, get girls to bed and watch an episode of The Sopranos before calling it a night. On my “relaxing day” I have walked the equivalent of 19km! (7 hours of inactivity)

Today is absolutely my REST DAY so no exercise. I have gone to soup kitchen, had a coffee with Alison, popped into Zara and walked home. I have dealt with laundry. Tried to pack our ski stuff. Had lunch with husband. Dealt with builders and agent for our London place. Checked into flights. Had an utter melt down as couldn’t find my passport. Made a mess looking for it but found it. Soon I will pick up Amaia and take her bag as she heads to chiropractor. Then Leia and I will head to kick boxing and home to make dinner. It is 4pm and I have managed 11km of walking and 2hrs and 45 minutes inactive.

So as I was saying. It had been lovely, meeting friends, coffee, lunches, sunshine, running, shopping and yoga. But yes, a bit busy!

Written at 8:52 pm: my rest day comes to an end. I have done the equivalent of 19.5km walking today and been inactive for 3hrs 45 minutes. Just saying….

2024 Musings so far…

Something has changed, maybe I’m just getting older and slowing down, maybe it is just a phase. I feel mellower (is that a word?), I also feel older physically  (kind of OK with that if it come with some kind of wisdom!) and time seems to be flying by. Really fast. March is around the corner and I am on my second post only?!

2023 was a tough year. I definitely feel like I have moved on to a different phase in my life where as I head for 50 there is no denying I am a fully fledged adult. My girls are big now, Amaia is 14 and Leia is nearly a teenager. My role as a mother is changing, my role as a daughter has changed. Life has different demands and yet strangely it also feels a lot calmer. Not because I am doing less, I feel as busy as ever, but because I try to focus on the things I can do, can improve on and (mostly) abandon the things (and people) that just don’t work for me. And that is OK. I have so much to be grateful for and there is so much I cannot change. And that is OK too. 

This year is shaping up nicely. I have signed up for the Midnight Sun Marathon on 22 June in Norway, running through the night in daylight. Amaia will do a 5km run then too. We are going to the beautiful Poquerolles again for simple family time and visiting Lake Como. Staying in a little (non luxurious) hotel right on the lake that husband and I stayed in back in 2007 and loved. We are going to St Anton soon and Valencia and making a flying trip to London for some culture! Leia makes her confirmation in June which will result in another visit from my parents. Yeah! So life is busy enough with lots of things to look forward to plus some new experiences too. Life is good. I’m not looking for drama or complications. Just happy being….

Back

 Yes, it has been a while. Seriously long. I know. But I promised myself I would start writing again in 2024. January flew by with me feeling under the weather for most of it but now it’s February and I am raring to go (kinda!).

But before we kick off 2024 let’s just sum up 2023.

May was my last post so here are the highlights of the remaining months:

JUNE: Amaia made her confirmation. My parents made it over and stayed with us in the new apartment. It was lovely especially as we were sure my parents would be able to make it. It was their first journey and only journey of the year but they made it and that is all that matters. On the day of the confirmation we celebrated and made up for all the other missed reunions! 

JULY: We headed to Valencia for the months. It was hot. It was hectic. But spending time with my nephews is the highlight of the holiday for me. We’d go to the pitch most mornings then buy snacks in Mercadona and scoff them before we’d even left the supermarket. Hanging out, talking rubbish, messing around with all the kids together. Pure gold.

AUGUST: The highlight was definitely Corsica. We stayed with friends and had an amazing time zipping from one idyllic beach to another on our boat. I certainly didn’t realise how beautiful the island is. Stunning and tasteful. 

SEPTEMBER: Back to school after nearly 12 weeks of school! Yes, we were all in shock for a while but school is good and the girls are doing great. 

OCTOBER: A quick visit to Valencia to see my parents, do some shopping and eat very well!

NOVEMBER: A cultural trip to Paris which despite the rather grey weather and one very wet Saturday was a huge success. We visited the Louvre, the Louis Vuitton foundation, climbed the Eiffel Tower, ate at the wonderful Procope Cafe, sampled macarons from just about every patisserie and generally enjoyed every minute. 

DECEMBER: We enjoyed a mild Christmas in Bristol and a cold New Year in Valencia. Came home exhausted and with a stinky cold that I just couldn’t shake off and so began 2024. 

 

Happy Birthday Papa

 I have been quiet lately about Valencia because a lot has been happening at home and it has taken me a while to process, accept and adapt. In fact I am still processing, struggling to accept and slowly, very slowly adapting. 

I still don't understand how or why but at the end of last year my dad lost his mobility. It all happened pretty quickly. I waved my parents off after they visited at the end of October and by the time I ran the marathon 6 weeks later he was barely walking 10 steps unaided. It was really hard for us and incredibly hard for him suddenly losing all his independence. 

There were new health issues and some operations and procedures. My mum has gone through hell even though she won't admit it and I am sure we don't know the half of what she has had to deal with. 

Because my parents can't travel we can't see them as often and that has been hard for all of us. I miss our breaks together in Tourrettes, Monaco and London. We all miss those easy days of just hanging out, wandering around shops, going to restaurants and generally having fun. 

I had planned to spend my dad's birthday in London with my parents but that sadly had to be cancelled. A few weeks ago  I started writing my dad's birthday card and I just couldn't finish it. It all seemed so utterly flat and underwhelming. How could a few cliched words even begin to say what I wanted? I couldn't see any other way to mark his birthday than by visiting him and giving him the much needed (for me at least!) birthday hug in person.

Last Saturday afternoon my dad's birthday surprise (me) arrived in Valencia. I think he was happy to see me! (You know he isn’t a man of many words!)

For his birthday the next day we had a car pick us up and take us to our chosen restaurant. Nothing fancy. It was lacking in ambience and probably understaffed but we had an amazing meal. Everything fell into place... our old favourite wine Belondrade and Lurton made an unexpected appearance. We had pre ordered a paella and another rice dish "arroz meloso". Everyone was relaxed. The food was good. The paella exceptional. The wine never fails to disappoint so we had a second bottle. Yes! My dad was enjoying himself and relaxing. He had wine, he ate well, his beloved Valencia football team won their match. What more could I ask for?! For me it was better than I had hoped for, not just the food and wine and win but the fact the four of us (Tia!) were out and celebrating and having fun and that was priceless. 

Happy birthday Papa! 

Happy birthday, happy Easter and happy holidays!!

This was all suppose to be posted before my amazing girls' weekend but that would have required organisation and technical skills of which I appear to be lacking!! So I bring you the month of April....

It all started with birthday celebrations. Low key by my standards but celebrations nonetheless. I had lunch with friends at Giacomo's, a relatively new restaurant on the newly done up Larvotto beach. I always order the same - Aperol Spritz (in a big fish bowl of a glass w tonnes of ice), creamy, indulgent truffle pasta that is always enough despite looking like a measly portion and to finish a generous serving of Tiramisu. It never disappoints!  (Not my idea to put a candle in my tiramisu).

 

Of course, that was just a birthday warm up meal because the next day (Good Friday) Husband and I swanned off to The Grill for an amazing lunch. I love The Grill. The food is good. The service impeccable and the people watching is always amusing. Plus they do an amazing souffle!! It always feels a little bit special to be in the Hotel de Paris. We finished the meal with a visit to the American Bar where we momentarily played at being very grown up and sophisticated while we sipped Champagne. The façade didn't last as we gobbled up all the bar snacks and asked for more - not very sophisticated at all! 

Next up was the Easter weekend which was an utter delight. The best surprise I've ever had - despite me being the one to book it all!

On Saturday morning we drove to Hyeres and from there to a 15 minute ferry to the Poquerolles islands. Initially I had booked it just to get away for the Easter weekend. The girls are tired of always doing Tourrettes-Valencia-Bristol holidays. So The Poquerolles it was. A no frills island with stunning scenery. I was anticipating a lot of down time and board games with wet weather but instead there was sunshine, breathtaking views and endless exploring by foot and bicycle of a beautiful, preserved and well cared for island. We only stayed two nights but it felt like a good, long, restful adventure. We will definitely be back!!

Idyllic Poquerolles

Old friends, great times

I’ve taken a few days to write up about this weekend because quite frankly I need to do it justice.  It was both medicinal and dare I say magical. It was the tonic I didn’t know I needed at the time I needed it most. I am still riding high on all the laughter, memories and endless conversation that took place over the long weekend where I slept so shockingly little. As someone who is very happy in her own company, this weekend proved I am even happier in the company of old, seen it all, never shocked, always supportive and brilliantly funny friends. Who knew… I certainly didn’t!  

The thing I remember most was the laughter. It never stopped. My jaw ached. Is this what we were like in our carefree days? I don’t remember laughing so much… Were we always this hilarious?! 

The first night we stayed up yapping and watching old episodes of Top of the Pops. Every song taking us down memory lane, strengthening and reinforcing the ties we already had. We laughed and joked and constantly put each other in our places. Only old friends can get away with that! We had heartfelt conversation too, over champagne this time because we are nearly 50! 

It was fun getting ready together, admiring outfits and wondering what shoes to wear. We had a mouth watering dinner at Coya, enjoying the club like ambience and watching the other diners like they were rare breeds. We couldn’t resist popping into Sass Cafe as we walked home. The place was heaving and we wanted a little dance. They marvelled at the clientele - old people dancing!! The hours passed and we headed home tired but buzzing from so much fun. Of course the night hadn’t ended. Back home came the debrief, the tea, the snacks and more conversation until eventually daylight came and we grudgingly dragged ourselves to bed. We just didn’t want the night to end.

They have seen it all from my DM wearing days with angry attitude to this Monaco housewife with a laundry obsession. All I felt was acceptance. They take everything in their stride. After thirty two years of friendship and over five without a reunion it was amazing how we just picked up where we left off. We were still the same girls who bonded with secret notes at school, confessional letters at Uni (mine at least!) and once in the working world sharing pitchers of attitude adjuster at Riki Tiks and drunken dinners in the newly opened Wagamamas. We laughed a lot then, we laugh a lot now.  

Thank you ladies for a wonderful weekend. For every moment of it. For reminding me who I was and who I still am! I look forward to our next reunion but until then I can keep smiling at all the crazy memories.

48

 So…. Tomorrow I turn 48. Yay! I’m not hugely bothered about this year’s birthday. I gave up online shopping for Lent (as well as sugar) which means I won’t have my usual pile of presents. Ok, I did in a moment of weakness buy some earrings and a jumper but that is all. But I’m not complaining I know I will have a nice day…

Birthday cake for breakfast - best way to start the day!

Morning at the soup kitchen. 

Hopefully some free time, maybe pop into a shop or two… then go home and decide what to wear.

Lunch at Giacomo’s on the beach with friends and I already know my order: Truffle pasta and Tiramisu with an Aperol Spritz. 

Then home and some free time before we start the usual kick boxing drop off and pick up. I’m still undecided about dinner but I am sure tomorrow I will figure out something!

On Friday I have a much needed hair appointment and then a lovely lunch with husband at Le Grill. And still no idea what to wear! 

But I will be 48 by then another year older, wiser and greyer, finding moments to enjoy and treasure and really knowing that what I wear is not very important! 

Oura Obsessed

A year ago I got an Oura ring for my birthday. It is a ring that monitors your activity, your heart rate, your exercise, body temperature, blood oxygen and your sleep. Every morning it tells me how “ready” I am for my day using the data from the previous 24 hours or so.

It has been great in some ways as I now realise that I actually move A LOT. I easily do 20,000 steps most days with or without a run. So that image of me being lazy is actually of my own making. Once I racked up 19,000 steps just cleaning the apartment! 

It also tells me I am an amazing sleeper. My sleep efficiency is excellent. When I am in bed I sleep. In fact  my only issue is that I fall asleep too quickly! Apparently it should take 15-20 minutes to fall asleep and I can usually do it in under five! This is considered a sign of over tiredness. 

Through my readiness and sleep scores I can see the things that are good for my body and not so good for my body. Annoyingly, a late meal (anything after 8pm) or a heavy meal will impact on my heart rate and body temperature. Alcohol in the evening is a guarantee that everything will deteriorate. Whilst I’m not quite ready to give up my weekend wine I am very aware of my eating hours now and hate eating late. 

On top of my usual walking and running I am also trying to do a weekly Pilates class and last week I started working out with a trainer. Wow! It hurts! I realised I haven’t used so many muscles in a very, very long time! After each session I find myself hobbling the next day with serious muscle aches. It is torturous - lifts, lunges, plank, twists, weights, burpees, sit ups and so on and so on. All I can hope is it is doing me some good!

Friday coffee stop

 I'm back at the park. Just done 9km and now having a coffee. It is warm and I am in running shorts and a vest and a ton of sun cream although tan marks are unavoidable! It has been a good week with lots of new/different experiences.

Friday night was St Patrick's day and we were invited to a get together by some Irish friends. Well, let's just say it turned into quite a party! It was fun and just so different to our usual Friday nights.

On Monday I got to enjoy a morning at the Metropole Spa. I had a back massage and a facial and it was heavenly although I wish it was still ESPA. 

Yesterday I went to the Soup Kitchen and then had a friend come over for a coffee and catch up. And I realised how different this is for me. I NEVER invited people up to our old place. But this apartment... oh, I love it! I love the space, the high ceilings, the light, the kitchen we can sit in, the amount of storage, the huge hallway. We are so, so, so lucky. 

This weekend we are getting a new kitchen table and some furniture for the balconies. I can't wait to sit outside w a coffee and a book and I know Amaia is going to love reading outside too. As I said... SUPER, SUPER LUCKY! 

Right the Monaco return needs to get started - 6km so I am home in time for lunch. Happy weekends all! 

In the park - finally!

Sometimes I don't even understand myself. I am constantly trying to "improve" myself.  Be healthier, be kinder, be fitter, be more understanding, be less judgemental, make time for myself, relax more, be tidier, be efficient, be positve, be more patient, be calmer, control my temper, eat less, read more, write, pray, become a saint... the list is bloody endless!!! 

Today is a beautiful sunny day and I decided to go for a run "just to get out of the house" because I know I will otherwise lose the next 10 hours cleaning, tidying and procrastinating. And so I ran. I ran to the Parc of Cap Martin. A beautiful park full of olive trees and art. I nornally run a loop around the park and run back to MC. I never even venture inside the park! Not today. Today I stopped. I took a leisurely walk through the park, admired it century old olive trees  and finally stopped for a coffee. In the shade of a tree. And breathed. And wrote. I have been running around this park since I started my first marathon training in 2014. This is the first time I have been inside it. 

I'm not going to be sad about it. I'm going to be happy that I realised this today and I am going to make an effort to run as usual but also to stop. To take in moments like this. Of quiet and calm and nature. To stop beating myself up with all the things I could do better on and learn to accept myself and maybe even one day even tell myself how utterly brilliant I am!

So, it is March

You know me. It takes me a long time to get around to doing something. It takes me about six months to go from idea to execution and probably two weeks to give up on it. This year was going to be different. Right? Right....

Well, to a certain extent it has. I am now the proud owner of a 63 day PEAK (brain training app) streak and my score has increased by 13 points in that time. Woo hoo! But my diary writing and praying has been a bit more haphazard as for my piano practise. No comment. 

But now I am approaching with a new strategy. My aim now is just to get those three things done daily. A line in my diary - literally a comment. One run through of my piano piece. That will take all of 3 minutes. And a few minutes of quiet time for prayer and contemplation. My thinking is, if I can get into a small habit I can build on it over time rather than just trying to create a big habit.  So,  it is March and I am still trying to get my New Year's Resolution into place... Let's check back in by May. 

Routines for 2023

 So, what is life like in 2023 for me?

Whilst this half term seems too short to mention a proper routine I would say my mornings are busy enough with running twice a week, soup kitchen on Thursday and La Turbie walk on Wednesday. On Tuesday afternoons I have piano and twice a week I take Leia to kick boxing in the evenings resulting in a late(ish) dinner. On Wednesdays the girls still do LAMDA and we have an early dinner before Husband comes home. Friday nights we head to the house although these days we are just as happy staying in Monaco and enjoying the apartment. Into that mix I usually manage to have a good Skype call with my lovely friend Nancy who has left Monaco for the US and an occasional coffee or lunch with another good friend who has returned to Monaco! So yes, life is busy enough! 

On top of that I have both girls in Secondary school and this is now a short walk away. We rarely take them or pick them up from school now so that has freed up some time. But in contrast the girls now have very varied timetables. Each day they finish at totally different times. It can be 15h45, 17h00 or a crazy 18h00!! On top of that classes can be cancelled and the child has the option to leave the school. Why? I just cannot see the benefits of such long days or a lack of routine. I can’t imagine an 11 or 12 year old knowing how to use those free hours of a cancelled class productively. I can not believe any child can work well with a 10 hour day at school. I am learning to accept the French system but still not grasping its benefits. And don’t get me started on half day Wednesday…. 

2023

 Happy 2023 Folks! 

I was lying in bed unable to sleep thinking about writing something and I thought… why don’t I just get up and do it? So here I am! Yes, it has been a while… but something tells me 2023 is going to be different. I am. It hasn’t been about big changes but tiny little, barely noticeable steps here and there. I’m hoping tiny leads to little that eventually will just lead to a good habit! We are in February now and the changes are still there so a little pat on the back to me.

Before we go into 2023 me let’s just tie up 2022. 

So, big news is we moved. I love our new place. Huge rooms, high ceilings, a kitchen you can eat in!! (This is rarer than a roof top pool in Monaco!) We have two bathrooms (you can read Amaia’s post on that!) and a guest room, small but big enough for a double bed. I am delighted. Location isn’t far from our old place. The girls have less than a 10 minute walk to school and we have three balconies that I am looking forward to using in warmer weather. So on that front all is fantastic. Yay!

Secondly, I trained and ran the Valencia marathon for the third time in December in 4h34 minutes. I’m happy with that time considering I started in the +5 hours pen. That is a lot of overtaking! 

Thirdly, COVID is still lingering but I would say life has returned to as close to pre COVID as we have gotten. Eternally grateful we all survived that without too much drama or impact on our health. My sister and her family finally left Shanghai, spent the Summer with us in Valencia and has now moved to a civilised Singapore. 

As alarm clock time approaches I need to finish up here. Have a wonderful day, remember to smile!

Mwah! 

April - Belated birthday write up

 Well, it has been a while since I wrote and I have no idea why it has taken so long. I guess with COVID restrictions easing up I have been busier than usual… 

So, April. My birthday month! I’d say finally at 47 I finally accepted a one day birthday celebration, OK, make that two days, maybe with a weekend dinner thrown in too! On the day itself we had the usual pastry breakfast, I did my Wednesday hike and stuck to the usual Wednesday routine but after LAMDA we went to the Hermitage for their delicious afternoon tea. I was able to enjoy a sugar feast in the middle of Lent. Yay! The following day I had lunch at The Grill with a couple of friends. I went for a blow dry beforhand and wore my super sophisticated white trousers. I even wore heels!! The Grill didn't disappoint. It was as wonderful as always. My only complaint is their soufflés have shrunk as we managed to polish all three off without a problem! The weekend saw a birthday come to an end with dinner at Clovis. 

Finally, at 47 I'm happy with low key birthdays!!

May

The good news is we are travelling and mostly without restrictions. What a wonderful feeling!

The bad news is travelling often means delays, problems with pick up and drop offs, lost luggage and a lot of waiting around.  Yes, travelling itself is rather inpleasant. 

The girls and I flew to London. It was a disaster. Our taxi driver forgot the booking and didn't show up. Our flight was two hours delayed. Our taxi pick up in Heathrow was late. We got to London utterly drained!! Of course all this was forgotten when I saw our beautiful Cheval apartment and shared a glass of wine with my parents who had arrived earlier.  Being back in London after two and a half years was great. We visited our old local restaurant, enjoyed the delights of Shezan across the road, got an extravagant takeaway from Harrods, relished popping into Waitrose for a quick shop, spent way too much time in Harrods. I got my brows done at last! 

It was good to be back in my town. Feeling comfortable and confident. Able to make small talk with with the friendly newsagent, with the attentive waiter,  with shop assistants it makes such a difference to your day when you understand everything and don't have to think about sentance structures! 

Most importantly it was a memorable moment when we woke up on the Saturday and were able to wish my dad a Happy Birthday in person. At last! 

More March

 March ended badly. We had to isolate as Leia had Covid. She was absolutely fine. We only did a home test because we had a spare one lying around. We were not expecting a positive result. The next day we all went to the testing centre and only Leia was positive. It was strange. It was frustrating. It was bloody annoying! And so we all had to stay at home. Yes, husband and I were free to leave the flat because we were vaccinated but our girls weren’t. So we had 48 hours in the apartment and that was just about enough. In the end we headed to the house and almost immediately our moods lifted. The house was a real tonic. Nature and space and clean air. We tested negative yesterday so both girls are finally back at school and freedom comes conveniently before my birthday tomorrow! 

On the other hand March introduced us to the restful weekend. We did so little. Some days we stayed in pyjamas other days we had siestas. We have never done so little or planned so little. Yet after 48 hours of laziness we all felt remarkably rested and recharged. It did make me think what is resting? And what is lazy? Maybe we have them confused?

I got to see some flats too! One beautiful apartment! Wooden floors, bay windows, original features, tonnes of space. Two or three bedrooms. Perfect, you say. Perfect, I thought. ONE TOILET! Just one. Not one in the bathroom and a guest loo. Just one. It felt like a compromise too much. There were two apartments in the same building. One had a garden. One had a huge kitchen! It could easily seat six people. Do you know what a luxury that is? So while I dreamed of living in this stunning apartment it also made me realise that if something comes along we are still 5-7 months from moving so I need to hold my horses. I need to see what is available nearer the time… Patience was never my strong point.

And finally the birthday celebrations… what are the plans? Well, I may be doing drinks tonight on line with two school friends - our three birthdays fall in the space of four days! Tomorrow after a pastry breakfast we will continue as normal until we can dress up and go to the Hermitage for afternoon tea. It is what appealed the most during my Lenten sugar abstinence! And Thursday I am off to the Grill for a girls’ lunch, More dressing up and more culinary delights. The birthday celebrations end on Saturday with dinner at Clovis for the four of us, I must end on that note as it is 06h44 and time to rise and SHINE! 

March

So far March has been quiet and cold. If I’m honest it has been a bit dull too… but we need to appreciate the quiet, dull and boring because the next couple of months are busy. We have dared to make plans!! 

I am very excited but not yet going to tempt fate by revealing anything! 

March saw Husband and I get our boosters. The irony is as of yesterday vaccine and health passes are no longer required! I am very relieved as I was starting to feel like the paperwork was becoming a jumping through hoops exercise and not really about the virus at all. And masks are on their way out too. The girls are finally mask free for most of their school day! Yay!! 

March has also seen the loss of our lifts and regular climbs up five floors. With shopping. With school bags. With luggage. Hmmm. What can I say? I am going to get very fit?!! There is noise and mess and sooooo much dust but we will manage.

I’m still keeping my eyes peeled for a flat even though we can’t move till after the summer at the earliest. There is nothing like flat hunting in Monaco to remind you how the other half live! Yes, those paying over €100,000 a month for an apartment… We are looking in the lowest budget bracket and it is so painful. Tiny bedrooms, offensive kitchens, time warped bathrooms… And when I am shown a new apartment there is a compromise. Only one bathroom. Minuscule bedrooms. Small living spaces comprising of kitchen, dining and living room! For how much?? I know on the grand scale of things it isn’t a big deal but I do wonder what we will end up with…

The girls continue to be on amazing form doing well at school and being so much more focused than I ever was!! Kick boxing is back! Amaia is preparing for her 1st piano exam. LAMDA continues. It is all good. In fact when it comes to the girls it is excellent. 

I am running again but taking it slow and going easy on myself. If it is 10k that is good but if all I can manage is 5k that is fine too. The aim is to keep moving… It has also been hard without my sugar treats… it is such a psychological fix too. What can my pick me up be now? Taking a bath or reading a magazine are just not as practical as eating a cake with your coffee!! And so I have been “treat less” for nearly two week. It definitely impacts on your mood! So I apologise to all my loved ones!

Right, Amaia will be home soon. I need to get organised… Laters! 

February - the beginning of the end??

 So it is the last day in February and it has been a good month. Slowly things are changing… 

For us the month marked Amaia’s 12th birthday. Can you believe it? We celebrated it over several days with several meals and cakes! She got her Lego and a library worth of books and overall I think she was very happy. The day after her birthday we drove to St Anton for our first holiday in a hotel since we were last in St Anton in February 2020! The drive was uneventful, the sun mostly shone and we didn’t see snow until the end of the drive. There were definitely less cars. No traffic jams! Yay! We arrived to our home from home in the mountains… same rooms, same drill, same staff. It was sooooooo good to be back. Friends from London joined us there and it was a great reunion, similar to pre Covid times except with a face mask or two. But who cares about face masks when we are finally OUT! Out with hundreds of other strangers on the slopes, out having coffees and hot chocolates, out for divine lunches and delicious dinners. We were finally FREE!! And it felt so good. Psychologically it was the medicine we all needed. A taste of freedom with Covid still lingering but hopefully loosening its grasp on our lives. 

We got back and the holiday continued with a sunny weekend in Monaco, lunch at Avenue 31 and a total contrast to our snowy St Anton landscape. 

The return to routine is always tough but last week it was particularly brutal as Husband took off for his first business trip in two years. Normally I wouldn’t bat an eyelid but I am out of practice and after a holiday it seemed even harder! As you can see this week, it is Monday and I am already so on top of it all I’m actually writing this post!!

I don’t know if it was the optimistic holiday mode or the easing of restrictions but already I have holiday plans for the next few months. Easter in Spain, London in May and Paris possibly for the Grand Prix. It is exciting to plan again and hopefully all remaining restrictions and paperwork will slowly ease off by the time we travel. I hope so anyway! 

Sweet Spot

I noticed it before the holiday and the last few days have only confirmed it. I don’t know if it is because these days are numbered but I am definitely aware and very much appreciating that we have reached a sweet spot in the daily demands of parenting. The girls are so good, they get on with their homework without us nagging, they do well at school, they still love being around us, they like nothing more than cuddling up on the sofa and watching TV in the evening, they are great company during meals, they are curious and interested in the world around us, they have grown so much and yet they still love playing with Lego (for hours!). In this carefree pre teen world where moods are not yet influenced by hormones or screen time or “likes” it really is a pleasure hanging out with them, and even though we haven’t done anything special I am very aware of how precious these last weeks have been and am filled with gratitude.

January 2022

 We are one twelfth of the year down! 

The month kicked off with a very early morning flight from Bristol with the nightmare amount of paperwork required. At Nice airport we were met with shockingly long queues as they checked all the appropriate forms again. Still, we made it safely back to Monaco and freshened up for a lovely New Year’s Day lunch at the Beef Bar. That first glass of champagne was heavenly! 

The first week was strange. Husband was a contact case within hours of arriving at the office and spent the rest of the week working from home. Covid is still raging but this new variant Omicron is milder and mostly like having a cold. The girls also had a lot of cases at school so they were constantly being tested too but thankfully they haven’t been off school.

One major thing I didn’t mention last year was that I started flat hunting and found a lovely apartment. Unfortunately the second bedroom was way too small but we decided to bite the bullet and ask to end our lease a year early. The apartment is just getting too small as the girls get bigger. We got a reply the second week of January. No we couldn’t leave our apartment until December 2022. The following week a sign went up in the lobby announcing seven months of demolition and building works throughout the building plus - wait for it - the removal of the lift for FOUR months!!!! We live on the fifth floor!! To say I was livid is a huge understatement but mostly my anger was for the elderly on the top floor and our floor who will not be as free to come and go with no lift in the building. FOUR MONTHS!! Seriously?!?

Friday is half term and we have taken a deep breath and said we are going skiing. We will be careful but we also want to live our lives. The last pre Covid holiday we took was in St Anton and it feels right that we are hopefully marking the beginning of the end of this pandemic with a visit back. I will keep you posted!!

So far - 2022

 Clearly I am only writing because I am feeling rather smug. It is only Wednesday 5th January and already this Monaco Mrs of 2022 is surprising me!

I don’t aim for New Year’s resolutions but I did think there were some bad habits I could break. I have dropped my morning online browsing of Westwing and Veepee that offer “deals” everyday. I use to browse in the morning while on the phone to my mum. Not any more. Now I have started walking while I talk. The two days I have done it they have been 3km walks! After the call I’ve done 6km runs followed by a short walk home. It has proven a good way to get my 10,000 steps by 09h30am!!

I have also dropped my evening on line browsing and general online shopping addiction. Wow! How much time did I waste just aimlessly browsing? In brief: A LOT. And what do you do with all that free time? I guess you just remain a bit more present and a bit more aware. 

There are other things I’d like to add to my day and I will slowly resume brain training, piano, some form of exercise other than running and start taking all the vitamin pills and powders I buy and then leave in cupboards as if their mere presence is enough to work their magic! I expect I will waste less and read more. I want to do a 0 to 5km training programme with the girls too. Despite my good start to the year this week has been a little strange. Husband has been at home working these last two days as like many people around the world he is unfortunate enough to be a “contact case”. It is hard staying in routine when he is around and whilst Monday was amazingly productive Tuesday and Wednesday have been much less so. Plus this afternoon, like every Wednesday the girls have been home. Not much I can do there 

So yes, despite everything 2022 is off to a good start!

And finally…

 It is the last day of the year. Goodbye 2021. It is also our last day in Bristol. I’ve had three afternoons at home while the rest of the family go for walks. As lovely as it sounds I’m not one for doing something just because… I jumped at the chance to enjoy a guilt free, quiet afternoon. Yes, that does explain these last three posts…

So what have I been doing? I’ve read my book (Edge of Eternity by Ken Follett) and also started reading a non fiction one “The Book you Wished your Parents had Read” which helps us to understand our reactions to situations and hopefully help all relationships in your life. It is an interesting read. I’ve also read a few samples of books I may read in the future. In short it has been very good reading time. I also admit it has been very good shopping time! Yesterday I treated myself to a leather skirt and fuchsia trousers from Sézane (a to Me from Me Xmas gift), today I bought some goodies from Smythson, in my head they can be Xmas gifts from the girls. I’ve sat quietly with a mug of coffee and mince pie and been entranced by all the activity of the squirrels outside in the garden. It has been like having my own personal nature show. What fascinating little creatures!

I’ve have also run 5km five out of the six days I’ve been here. It hasn’t been tough at all. Hopefully next week in the chaos of settling in I can continue with 5km runs and then start my training. I’d like to work up to a half marathon distance and run 21km once a week until I start marathon training later in the year. 

What more can I add? Happy New Year and here is to good health, happiness and 2022 being a year for long overdue hugging!!

Laters 2021. Welcoming 2022…

Well here I am again. Two posts in two days. Amazing what you do when you quite simply can’t do anything else!

I don’t want to linger on this year anymore and have set my gaze firmly on 2022! I know it is going to be a rocky ride, but surely it can only get better? I admit there may be more cases but definitely less deaths. The vaccine may not fully protect but hopefully it is turning Covid into a cold rather than a deadly virus. 

The hardest part of this all is the loss of freedom, the loss of spontaneity and the constant awareness of this killer lurking in the shadows as we step outside the safety of our homes. Masks have to be worn in shops and public areas, sanitising equipment is available before you pick up your shopping basket or trolley, you avoid touching buttons on lifts or at crossings, someone sneezing or coughing fills you with terror, busy restaurants are a turn off, hitting the annual Christmas sales is inconceivable and yet isn’t two years of separation and isolation more painful for some people than having Covid itself? It is so hard to distinguish between being careful and being over cautious.  Didn’t I say I wasn’t going to linger on 2021? Sorry! 

So…. 2022. This is all I ask, not for Covid to disappear but for its hold to weaken. For it to be manageable and non threatening to countries, health systems and economies. Wouldn’t it be heavenly if the term “social distancing” became redundant? For public gatherings to resume and be celebrated - theatres, concerts, festivals… whatever takes your fancy! For people to dance and party recklessly - as we all have at some point in our wild youth! I long for a mask free world, where we can breathe freely and see and read each others’ faces again. For children to play with abandonment once again and schools to be mask free. To see my sister and her family again and jump on a plane without endless tests and paperwork. Who knows… it may happen. I am praying it will. 

2022, over to you! 

COVID’s Christmas Special!

I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet the last two weeks. It has been a very, I repeat, very strange time. Just when we thought things were getting better Covid wise, they got A LOT worse. A new variant appeared that was very infectious and cases went through the roof again. Furthermore governments started to get tough. Really tough. More lock downs. Enforced vaccinations. Let’s just say democracy was at a low point. While I am fully vaccinated and happy to be jabbed I do think everyone is entitled to make their own decision. Being forced to do something by a government feels very wrong. There have been protests, unrest and a lot of uproar. And still the cases continue to rise… What more can we do? All this happened weeks before Christmas and suddenly everyone’s holiday plans were up in the air. The uncertainty of it all was probably more destructive than a definite cancellation. All those plans made in the (ironically) not so carefree days of October and November floated in Limbo until they were sadly cancelled under new regulations  and travel restrictions. Christmas cheer became Christmas fear. And yes, we are grateful to be healthy, warm, fed and fine but another year? Another Christmas? Really? I think we all feel slightly short changed, slightly cheated and very fed up.

Having said that I was lucky enough to be able to drive to Valencia (thank you Husband) and be reunited with my family for a few days. It was lovely but it was short and once again in the shadow of Covid precautions and regulations. Worse still was the much needed trip to Bristol which required a shocking amount of paperwork and printouts. Any joy of air travel being replaced by anxiety and fear of interrogation!  And now we are in Bristol… no restaurants, no shopping, no Christmas panto or cinema visit, no excursions or activities with the need to stay safe so we can get on a plane back! 

What can I say? 2021 was better than 2020 but not the year we were expecting. I truly hope and pray 2022 can at least be the beginning of the end of this Covid pandemic. 

Ticking along

 I left you having taken up the challenge of a piano recital. Let me keep it brief. It did not go well. It did not go well at all. I realise now having a medley of tunes and no concrete copy of what you are playing isn’t ideal. I lost my place and never recovered and as I struggled on I came to the realisation that no parent was that bothered by my playing, they had come to see their children not me. So I cut it short and took myself out of my misery and the bored parents out of theirs! In complete contrast the girls played their pieces without any problems and Leia didn’t even take her music up when she played! 

Last week felt busy but now I can’t remember much about it at all! I did the final bits of Christmas shopping, I ordered lots of Advent calendars and wrote letters for my Post Pals friends, I did the family calendar and a photo book of the year, I didn’t run, I had lunch with a friend but otherwise laid low. 

Husband’s travel plans got cancelled thanks to the new Covid variant. I dread to think what restrictions they will come up with in time for Christmas!

I’ve just finished a piano lesson where I played my medley beautifully - of course! Now we are having fun with a few Christmas carols until we break up for the holidays. 

Out of my comfort zone, way, way out!

 We are into week three now and the Christmas holidays are less than four weeks away. Since I got back I have tried to make myself do one thing a week that requires going out of my comfort zone. This has mainly had to do with being friendly and sociable and making an effort with friends. I know I have to break this hermit habit and really challenge my way of doing things because whilst it is comfortable it isn’t necessarily the best thing for me. Last week I arranged lunch with a friend, today I am having breakfast with a friend in a place I tend to avoid because it is a bit pretentious  or is it that I am slightly daunted by the place? Well, either way I am going there today!  But the biggest challenge of all and the one I was avoiding like the plague was playing the piano in public. I refused to commit to the annual recital, I found plenty of excuses why I should not do it , I found 101 reasons to back up those excuses but in the end my piano teacher would not take no for an answer and here I am, so out of my comfort zone I may as well be on another planet! And yet I am feeling slightly more alive and energised by this mixture of dread, fear and excitement as I head into this unknown realm. The recital is on Saturday. Challenge accepted!

A Good Holiday

It has been a crazy few days. Fun days. Busy days. Full days. Almost, not quite  but almost resembling pre Covid but with masks on. I can take that. We had friends stay at the house. I loved every minute. Long lazy breakfasts. Catching up, cooking, eating, laughing and then more catching up. Life has changed. We are older, maybe wiser but certainly more responsible or is that with more responsibilities? Either way it made me realise how I miss having friends or family stay. It made me realise I enjoy my house more when I see others enjoy it too.

After Tourrettes we all went to Monaco and the girls were tasked with being Monaco guides. This gave me just enough time to pack, get my paperwork ready and prepare for VALENCIA!!

Finally I was flying! It was strange being at an airport again. Even for our 6h00am flight Nice airport was busy enough and Paris (our stopover) was heaving. I was surprised to see everything so normal when our lives have been so restricted.

Valencia was amazing. Being able to spend time with my parents -  it was just good for my soul. The girls enjoyed spending time in the city, we shopped, ate out, visited local markets and places my mum frequented as a child. My mum and I got started on the planning of her 50th Wedding anniversary, contacted the venue, visited the venue and booked the venue! I was able to accompany my dad for his routine blood tests and some ridiculously early hour. It’s not that we did anything wildly exciting, or interesting or different but just being together was enough. It was all we needed. The thing that Covid has most starved us of - ordinary family life. 

The journey back today (another 6h00am flight!) went smoothly and suddenly I feel free. Able to travel (with masks), make plans (cautiously) and basically be independent again to do whatever I want to do. And whilst I’m not rushing to jump on another plane or take a trip I don’t need to take I do feel like the world (more importantly, my world) is open again. Psychologically it makes a huge different. I feel happier, lighter and hopeful. 

Tomorrow school starts and our routine returns… Bring it on!

I can’t sleep. Since we caught COVID I haven’t slept properly through the night. I sleep 3-5 hours and then I’m awake for another 2-3 hours. Maybe I will fall asleep again but tonight I just got up at 5:00am, I’d been awake for 1.5 hours by then. And I feel groggy, like I have had a drink (which I haven’t) and have a very slight headache too (which vanishes when I start moving and getting on with my day) and I’m ravenous. I wake up starving at 2:00am! It is strange. Maybe it is COVID, maybe it is a bad habit I have fallen into, maybe I’m just not tired enough. I have ten more minutes before the day kicks in… plenty to do so maybe I will tire myself out today. 

My First Parents’ Evening

Yesterday I went to my first ever parents evening at Amaia’s new school. Wow, just wow. I was blown away by the constant flow of praise for her focus, hard work, enthusiasm, smile, attentiveness, willingness to listen, participate and her general joy in learning. And it wasn’t just all the wonderful comments that made my head explode it was backed up by fantastic grades. It isn’t a complete surprise, I know Amaia is a good student but to hear 10 teachers sing her praises, well it felt better than winning the lottery. 

Well done Amaia you are a SUPER STAR! We are so very proud of you. Keep up the excellent work!

The Covid Holiday comes to an end....

I am writing this as husband drives us all back to Monaco. Tomorrow we can officially return to normality, whatever that is. 

It has been a strange week. Firstly accepting that we have caught this killer virus that has resulted in nearly five million deaths to date.  Secondly, after so many months of avoiding it and being terrified of it,  COVID turned out not to be so bad. Furthermore all those we had contact with after being diagnosed didn't seem that bothered for their own safety. Yes, they wore masks but I didn't even see gloves or hand sanitizer let alone hazmat suits!! 

A Covid nurse called us every day to check our symptoms and after that we were left to our own devices. 

We had a very peaceful time at the house. There was enough food in the freezer and in the cupboards to see us through and a friend delivered some fresh produce. The girls played and did school work. The pace of life was slower and probably more beneficial than we realise. I didn't hound the girls about school work and let them go at their pace. If they wanted to play Lego after breakfast that was fine. They are conscientious enough to return to their books after letting off some steam. Husband worked in the end bedroom and would garden and walk if it was quiet. I did my usual pottering, reading and upped my praying (whilst walking laps of the garden). 

Today we are back at the flat and that is also fine. It will help us get into the mindset of school/work/chores and out of this holiday.

I am still feeling slightly congested. I am not 100% healthy but then it has only been a week. We will return to normality - school and the office but hold back on other "activities". We will take it slowly. Be gentle on ourselves and not try and go full throttle the first week back. Next week the holidays start too. More rest. And a silver lining. I have booked to visit my parents in Valencia. It is the tonic we all need. The lifting of lagging spirits. We will be super careful but we will be together. An unexpected together.  And that is something to celebrate. 

Covid Campers

We have all finally been caught by Covid. After a couple of days with a bad cold and generally feeling under the weather it turns out I had Covid. On Wednesday night just before bed our family’s PCR tests dropped into our inbox - four positives. Well, at least that explained why I had felt so awful on Monday and Tuesday but then not so awful to be the terrifying COVID! 

Looking back we had created the perfect storm. It all started on Friday. Husband picked us up and we drove to the house early enough to set up the tent and the campfire for the evening. Yes, Leia had a bit if a runny nose but she was so desperate to camp and really, it wasn’t that cold, this could be our last chance before spring. So we ate dinner in doors and then roasted marshmallows and made (overrated) s’mores by the campfire. It was fun. It was different. Even the skies cleared and the stars put on a spectacular show. All was good. We eventually drifted off in our cosy tent at about 11:00pm. All four of us huddled together cosily, breathing in that stale, virus infected air all night. 

The next day we all felt tired. Nothing new there, who has a proper night’s sleep in a tent? I’d even gone back to my own bed indoors at 4:00am but still felt like I’d pulled an all nighter! We were all in a lazy mood and Leia was definitely the most shattered. She’d lost her spark. She lay on the sofa that afternoon and eventually went for a sleep before dinner. So far nothing unusual. Everything had a logical explanation. The next morning Leia was fine and Amaia felt tired after lunch and also took to bed on Sunday afternoon. The rest of us felt fine. Amaia eventually went to bed without any dinner but awoke on Monday morning ready to seize the day. 

On Monday we had electricians in doing some wiring. It was noisy and very limiting to what I could do. However at lunch time they tootled off and I went for a run. Yes, I even surprised myself! But as the afternoon progressed I physically noticed how gradually a sense of unwell-ness was brewing. It was very surreal. I was fine and then I wasn’t. The girls were already being fed my mum’s chicken stock soup to boost them up and I made a quick flu soup (sweet potatoes, red onion, ginger and chilli) for Husband and I. We were snotty, congested and a bit achy. Hmmmm….

Tuesday was more of the same. I cancelled Pilates and my Piano teacher cancelled her lesson as she was feeling unwell. But by Tuesday afternoon, once the noisy electricians had left I noticed that I felt much better. I dressed. I put on makeup. I looked a picture of health! (OK, maybe a bit snotty but otherwise healthy!). Leia didn’t go to kick boxing, I didn’t want her spreading her snotty germs around her class. We headed home. The cold seemed to get worse at night and Husband and I were ready for bed at a shockingly early hour.

Wednesday… LAMDA. The LAMDA teacher wasn’t out off by our snotty family and despite my offering to cancel the lesson she replied she would come but wear a mask during the class. As a precaution I went to the pharmacy and took and Antigen test. It was all very easy. We discussed my new earrings, how I was snotty but otherwise OK. Yes, I’d look around the shops for 20 minutes and come and get my result. Well, you can imagine my shock when 20 minutes later I was told I had tested positive. This could not be COVID! And what was I suppose to do? 

After that it was all a bit strange, Husband got tested with the doctor, he was positive. He booked for us all to have PCR tests that afternoon and by bed time we knew the whole family was infected. This killer virus in our home. In my children. It felt dreadful. Unreal. And yet at the same time so much better than all my fears of COVID. It was bearable. It was manageable. In fact it was just a cold with a terrifying name. And so far we have been so very, very, very LUCKY. I keep pinching myself. I keep scaring myself with how it could have been. 

The doctor gave a medication that seems to be working. No more aches but the runny nose and general congestion continues. And sneezing. None of which are typical COVID symptoms. We came to the house yesterday afternoon. Friends delivered food supplies. We have space, fresh air and sunshine. It is, dare I say, pleasant! I have the energy to go about my everyday chores - someone has to keep feeding, washing, tidying, ironing etc regardless of COVID! Husband is merely working from home and the girls are pretty much asymptomatic so this is a holiday for them.

It is weird to have finally caught what we have spent so long avoiding! To have my experience of COVID as oppose to news reports, statistics and horror stories. Maybe we are the exception. Maybe we aren’t. But after twenty months of running from COVID, it finally got hold of us. And for now, I am well enough to tell the tale and count every single one of my blessings, Husband’s blessings, Amaia’s blessings and Leia’s blessings. I cannot take any of it for granted.

Weary

Last week was tough. I felt weary, tired, unmotivated and just fed up with everything. All I wanted to do was crawl under a duvet and hide... Would anyone notice?  But instead I did all the usual stuff and tried to act like Everything. Is. Fine. I know why I felt that way. I was tired after a very busy weekend, then on Monday night Husband pretty much worked through the night and came back to bed at 6:00am plus Amaia had a bad day at school, on top of that I was dealing with the realisation that there would be no London reunion this half term, we wouldn’t  be seeing my parents at all and we would be “at home” for another holiday. Thanks COVID! The physical exhaustion, the lack of sleep, the worrying about Amaia and the uncertainty of everything hit me and I was knocked out. Yes, I can admit it now. This was beyond “languishing”, this was misery. 

Thankfully it passed and by Thursday afternoon I noticed my mood had lifted. The clouds were shifting and I could see things in perspective. Nothing had changed, everything wasn’t fine but it did seem manageable again. 

And then the good stuff came… I had my afternoon Skype chat with Nancy, I had a relaxing Thursday night, on Friday I had a lovely beach lunch with a good friend I haven’t seen in YEARS, we got to the house super early and the next 48 hours were RESTFUL. It felt soooooo good. Bliss. 

Saturday was a gloriously sunny day and I believe I drifted off whilst reading my book on the terrace. Sunday was wet but we took the girls to “Ecole des Filles” for lunch and had a delicious meal together as well as a change of scene from our usual haunts. 

I’m not entirely sure what this week will bring but it is Monday, I’ve done the ironing, tidied, had two slices of banana bread and some “me” time, got paperwork out of the way, been to Mass and written this post. Whatever comes my way I am just going to take a deep breath and take things in my stride. Have a good week! 

Catch up

So... this is what we have come to? A snatched moment here and there as I type (and squint) furiously to get as much down as the minutes tick by until I am on call again. It wasn't meant to be like this!!

I know, I know it has been a long time. Clearly a very long time because my usual sized font is looking very blurry now... I should be wearing my glasses. But I can’t be distracted otherwise this post will never be written, so I will strive on blurry or not.

I'm going to skip Summer (for now) and just celebrate "la rentree" which went very smoothly. I think I was more nervous that Amaia about her new school. Oh my goodness.... it is soooooo, so, so hard accepting my little girl is growing up and not needing me around as much!! But she is thriving and happy and full of enthusiasm so I am quietly relieved and very grateful. Having a locker changes everything!!! I never knew a locker could be so empowering but hey... I was at school last century! Leia has Amaia's old teacher and is feeling the pressure of living up to her sister's standards. She also isn't in the same class as her gang of friends aka "The Dream Team" but she is putting on a brave face. 

So far (yes, I know we are only in week three!) it is all going well. We have started piano and LAMDA. Leia had started kick boxing again. Amaia will try out (mountain) climbing tomorrow but the two of us are also doing the "daily mile" together. It isn't just exercise but also a chance for us to have one on one time too - her new school routine has more or less cut out any time together in the afternoons. I've also given myself a kick up the back side and started a running programme. Hopefully I can run an unofficial half marathon in a couple of months.  

Right. Time is up. Got to go and pick up Leia. Laters and lovely being back!!!

There are people who come into your lives and don’t just leave footprints but settle down and set up camp in your heart. That is the only way I can describe Lee. 

I was broken on Saturday after learning she was no longer with us. And yet she was and still is because in Tourrettes she is everywhere…

The plastic green goblets were inspired by her “no glass by the pool” rule.

The bamboo dinner set that she loved and that we used during those ridiculously long lunches are a constant reminder of times shared.

The end bedroom is hers.

The view from her bed was her “happy place” that she would revisit in her head when times were tough.

The cards we play with have a picture of her and the girls from our last visit.

The shopping list pad on our fridge is a gift from her too.

The mini pizzas in the freezer were  discovered because of her dislike of tomato sauce.

And then looking back over two decades of friendship there are just so many memories that stand out…

The surreal ride in a yellow van when my grandfather died.

Buying fancy sausages to take to my then boyfriend (now Husband) in Monaco.

Being the only place I could think to go to when I arrived on a plane the day of the 7/7 bombings and London was in turmoil.

Our first meal out with a wheelchair during her “boot camp” hospital stay. 

Introducing me to the Burberry warehouse in Hackney.

The amount we could talk (from breakfast to lunch) and yet be totally comfortable with silence too.

Relais des Coches lunches - lamb kebabs and Prosecco.

The only person I know who drank Pepsi (with Vodka) 

Watching the girls while I did my marathon training in Tourrettes.

Hours spent colouring, playing and talking to the girls and becoming just as much their friend as mine.

The storm show the girls put on because “Lee LOVES storms mama!”

How we drank champagne and ate steak three weeks after Amaia was born, 

The articles she would send in the post from ES magazine to remind me of London,

The little Italian that we always headed to whenever I visited. 

There are just too many to mention….

Lee was always so full of energy, enthusiasm and positivity. She had come back from the brink of death once before. She had astounded doctors with her recovery and readily taken on the challenge of proving them wrong time and time again. She was a fighter. Even when her health was a struggle she would just remind me that she could be dead already. Everyday was a gift, an opportunity to learn, to laugh, to enjoy, to connect with others. She never stopped living life to the full, taking classes, booking activities, going on excursions even if she would have to sleep all the next day from exhaustion. She never complained. Not even when she had plenty to complain about! As I cried more tears on Saturday (and re read that whole weeks Richard Rohr contemplations on Grieving) I came to the realisation Lee wasn’t afraid of dying, she had already stared it in the face, she was afraid of not living. And now that she had taken every opportunity, squeezed out of life all that she could she was ready for the next adventure. I miss her terribly but I understand now.

Thank you Papas

I could list the many reasons to thank you both… from the feast prepared and devoured on our arrival, the constant supply of our favourite things, hotel like breakfasts, delicious meals etc etc

But it isn’t that stuff that I truly miss. Papas, it is simply your presence from the minute I get up; the companionship and conversation, the sharing of memories and the plotting of future plans. I marvel at the way our lives slot into each others so seamlessly. Yes, we live totally different lives on a day to day basis but somehow we are in sync when we are together. No, it isn’t perfect, it isn’t all smooth running, it can be chaotic and noisy and frustrating and I do moan a lot! But in overcoming frustrations, obstacles and differences we simply strengthen the bonds of our family. I realise now that it is in the quiet everyday living, the good morning kisses, an unexpected hug, a chat as you prepare lunch, helping you hang out laundry, taking post lunch coffee orders, these mostly mundane moments are memories in the making. Memories shared amongst three generations and laying the foundation for the ones to come. 

Thank you Papas. X

Time (written a while ago)

 Is it me or have the days gotten longer? 

I am coming to the end of my stay in Monaco having left the girls in Valencia with my parents. Wow! Days are long! I have lazed about, moved furniture, reorganised cupboards, packed, cleared out, read, watched films during the day. It has been relaxing but also a little dull. Don’t get me wrong, it is heavenly to wake up naturally and not be woken up. It has been a delight to not deal with breakfasts, lunches and dinners. I’ve utterly enjoyed my evenings out with husband but overall the days do feel a little emptier, I miss the noise, the chatter, laughter and giggles. I miss their energy and their enthusiasm. I miss their cuddles and holding their little hands. But I’m glad I am missing all that, it will make the reunión all the sweeter.

Holidays on the Horizon

We are hurtling towards the end of term at lightening speed now, I don’t know where this month has disappeared to but overall we have been a lot busier than in the previous months of this school year. 

Maybe we just feel busier because certain things are back in our routine. Kick boxing twice a week means Tuesday and Thursday evenings are a bit manic and rushed. Mass on Sunday mornings also means that we have dropped our leisurely Sunday breakfast. We have eaten out once a week, last week we returned to Clovis for the first time this year. The girls joined us for dinner and as always had a lovely evening and some delicious food. Last week I also had Amaia off school on Tuesday after a dermatologist appointment. We got to enjoy a little shopping in Zara and got some Summer reading books. It was unexpected but it was also fun! Tuesday evening we saw Leia’s show and she was brilliant. All the kids did well but obviously I thought Leia was the best! On Wednesday Amaia came out of school super enthusiastically as she’d just been to visit her future secondary school. She talked all the way home!! Amaia and I did some of the lovely Plage Mala coastal walk on Thursday evening while Leia was at kick boxing. I’m determined to get the girls all the way to plage Mala this week!  On Friday I had my first ever lunch out with a friend and then in the evening we had Amaia’s farewell to primary school soirée. It felt weird after a year of avoiding people and wearing masks to be out with a whole class load of people but we had a very pleasant evening. Friday was also the prize giving at the school and both girls were rewarded for their hard work, although I’m still not sure what for exactly!

And this week is busy again with piano this evening and kick boxing end of term class tomorrow. And finally at 11h30 on Wednesday the school year comes to an end. And what a year! Another full on COVID 19 year but we managed to avoid home schooling and the school remained open all year. The girls have been super lucky. But they have also been super dedicated to their school work and given it all they have got. Despite all the uncertainty around them they just got on it the work and didn’t complain. Their reports were great too. I really can’t complain and am so proud of them. My two little girls who are not so little any more.

Right, I better venture out of this flat and into the heat and humidity... lucky me. X

Summer Lovin'

 Oh! Dare I say it? Summer is here! Finally! (Hopefully!) It is so hard leaving the house just as the temperature begins to cool and the terrace teases us with the possibility of drinks and nibbles after an afternoon poolside. I don't want to return to Monaco!! 

This weekend we cleaned the terraces and all the summer furniture and then in the evening we invited our neighbour over for drinks and dinner and enjoyed sitting outside till late. 

Breakfast this morning was also served outside and the temperature was perfect. Strawberries and watermelon with the usual toasts and yoghurts. We also returned to the Tourrettes church this Sunday for the first time in months. The girls are no longer those fidgety, bored little girls that I had to entertain with drawing and books during the mass.  Oh how times have changed!!

For lunch we headed to Relais des Coches to celebrate the girls getting Distinction in their LAMDA. We now enjoy the dressing up and going out as much as the meal! (Well, maybe not Husband!).

I was finally able to do some sunbathing this afternoon while the girls played in the pool. The suddenness of Summer means my skin hasn't had the chance to get its usual colour and I can't face strappy dresses without a tan. 

Last week was busy too. We got our second jabs and thankfully I was absolutely fine. I didn't have any side effects - unless my sudden need to shop can be blamed on the vaccine?? Hmmm. Hadn't thought of that....

We also had a busy bank holiday on Thursday working around the girls' various play dates.  On Wednesday the girls and I went to afternoon tea at The Hermitage Hotel with their LAMDA teacher. What a civilised and delightful way to spend an afternoon. An excuse to dress up, pink champagne, savoury treats and delicious cakes! I will be back!! 

So as you can see things are improving... we are out more, we dress up, we smile, we make plans, we interact, we reach out to all the people, places and things we missed. We appreciate our freedom. We remain careful. I hope and pray that eventually life around the world continues moving in this direction for everyone. 

 

Life is good.

 I am sitting here, feeling quite exhausted but also quietly elated. We have had two amazing weekends. We have eaten out, visited family, been shopping, stayed in a hotel and had Leia’s First Communion. For the first time since February 2020 the diary has been busy. And it has been utterly wonderful. Exhausting but absolutely wonderful. 

In Valencia I got to hug and kiss my parents. At last! The girls and their grandparents were reunited and it was heavenly. We are very grateful. My mum fulfilled her ambition of buying Leia an exquisite dress and I was surprised by Leia’s choice of dress, very classic, simple and elegant. We celebrated Leia’s birthday in her favourite restaurant - El Baret de Quique. Our home from home kitchen which we hadn’t visited since December 2019. Oh, the food.... delicious! 

The journey back home was long, and the motorways are no longer “Covid” quiet due to the lifting of travel restrictions in the last few weeks. I did like those empty motorways of 2020! 

This weekend feels like another whirlwind of activity. We did more in 48 hours than we have in the last 18 months! Husband booked us a surprise stay at the Monte Carlo Bay. I got a much needed hair cut. We ate out at Avenue 31. We had Leia’s Communion followed by a celebratory lunch at Le Grill. We may have over dressed for lunch, but... sometime you just have to. Both girls wore their Communion dresses to lunch. I should have worn my wedding dress just to continue the theme! But the girls were so happy in their dresses. They looked angelically beautiful ( yes, I may be biased). 

Finally, it feels like life is moving on. Yes, with masks on, QR codes and hand sanitiser at the ready. But it is moving, The fear is lifting and life is kicking in. At last. 

F'ing Foxtons

I had the misfortune of having to deal with the lettings agency Foxtons these last few weeks. I cannot stress how absolutely unbearable it has been. Shockingly. Customer service at its absolute lowest. Dealing with them I become the person I really don't want to be...

Thankfully amongst the horrendous there was a little glimmer of helpfulness. She may not have got it all right but she sympathised, stayed calm and actually kept her word when it came to "getting back" to me (the only person that actually did what I asked her to!). 

Whilst chasing up late rent (tenant had paid I hadn't received it three months later nor was it featuring in the rental statement) it transpired that because of our very Covid friendly reduced rent the tenant had technically "overpaid" us. I was OK with that explanation. Well Foxtons were holding on to this "extra" rent. It didn't get logged on the rental statements. It didn't get returned to the tenant. I wasn't OK with that. It just stank of sneaky unprofessionalism. Here we are all making sacrifices and allowances for Covid. All of us except Foxtons that sat on over £3k of the tenant's money. While he was just getting by... he had no idea how much money they were holding. He assumed it had been paid to us. So we couldn't be paid an extra £500 but they could sit on over £3k.... quietly. Until someone made a fuss. I made the fuss. 

Even if they had returned the money to the tenant I would have gone away quietly. Even signed a renewal contract with them. But NO. Instead I got rude emails from someone telling me I had been overpaid. By £6k. I had to return the money. In another email I was told I owed even more money. That I had received so much money I wondered why we'd reduced the rent in the first place. Each time I replied with emails showing payments received, rental statements and cc'd my tenant in to show there was total transparency. I asked for dates of when I would have received all this money. Nothing came back. Another email another amount I owed. It was painful. Like trying to reason with a toddler. 

All this took way to much time of being kept on hold, being ignored and then receiving rude emails from someone so incompetent that in the end I didn't even reply to her.  Oh, and all this was happening in the shadow of a renewal contract. Despite not signing the paperwork I got charged commission and the end date of my tenancy was changed. All done without my signature let alone my agreement. 

It became obvious that the relationship was over. I emailed Foxtons to say I wouldn't be renewing. IGNORED. Phoned the agent. Left a message. IGNORED. And so on and on. Four weeks of that unpleasantness, utter incompetence and dismal customer service. 

Hopefully it is over now. Of course the deposit hasn't been received nor has the overpaid commission been returned but they are out of the equation for the future. My blood pressure can return to normal and I can stop shouting down the phone at people!

Changes, mindset & positivity

Slowly. Slowly. Cautiously. Quietly. Carefully. Changes are noted. Moods are changing. Hope is on the horizon. 

I'm not going to deny there have been low moments on this "holiday". Miserably low moments that I couldn't even indulge in because there is that constant guilt that I am one of the lucky ones! But today is different. Today feels hopeful. Today feels like a new start. Maybe it is the warm embrace of the April sun lifting my spirits like an old friend or the delicate blossom on the trees around me, possibly it is the kaleidoscope of colours that Spring flowers offer... Maybe it is the cheerful birdsong. Or the calming murmurs of the gentle breeze. All I know is that today feels different... 

As I walked to and from the village I thought about how this is the mindset I want to keep.  Because it is all about the mindset. But it is so easy to be positive when surrounded by the beauty of nature enhanced by gentle sun light...

And so I tell myself I must remember all the good things that happened this holiday. The little things that I'm sure are adding to my uplifted mood.

1. The girls recital went well. All done in one take!

2. LAMDA exams over.

3. A day with friends. We walked to la Turbie. Had a picnic and walked down with Leia's best friend's family. Then playdates for both my girls.

4. A bit of independence. Girls went to local supermarket alone. And are now charged with doing the recycling alone.

5. Delicious chinese takeaway on Tuesday.

6. Baked a delicious Almond bakewell cake. 

7. Husband and I went for an evening walk for the first time in over a year!! (Curfew is now 9pm. Restaurants are open in the evening too.)

8. Final days of the holiday at the house. Mask free walks and freedom. 

9. My dad had his first jab this week and my mum has hers on Tuesday. 

Yes... change is hopefully on the horizon and in the meantime I must just hold on tight as this roller coaster ride draws to an end and remember this moment NOW. This golden moment of hope and happiness, the perfect storm of spring warmth, colours, light and music that fills me with blessed positivity. 

So over it!

I have written a couple of times but decided against posting them. They were so  VERY negative.  And I was so VERY whinge-y. Sometimes you can see that things aren't as bad as they could be and you feel grateful. Other times you focus on things not being as good as you'd like and you feel guilty. And that is basically my life at the moment. I know I am so lucky and yet I feel so fed up and frustrated!! I want to stamp my feet and scream (on behalf of everyone and not just myself) "IT'S. NOT. FAIR!!!" And then I just want someone I trust and can rely on (and not politicians with agendas) to tell me everything is going to be ok, not yet but SOON. And while we will still have to be vigilant and careful we can go back to LIVING. Living life as we knew it. You know, going out, being spontaneous, hugging each other, travelling, reuniting, wanting interaction... otherwise known as LIFE. LIVING. ENJOYING. BEING.

I am a grumpy mess. I have a super short fuse at the moment. I am unimpressed with myself. I am unimpressed with the so called early "holiday". We have no where to go and nothing to do. The girls still have things scheduled like LAMDA exams and a piano recital. These have now fallen in their holiday when previously it was in term time. I found myself arguing with strangers today outside a bakery... I do not recognise this person I've become but I do know her days are numbered. She is on her way out!