A Good Holiday

It has been a crazy few days. Fun days. Busy days. Full days. Almost, not quite  but almost resembling pre Covid but with masks on. I can take that. We had friends stay at the house. I loved every minute. Long lazy breakfasts. Catching up, cooking, eating, laughing and then more catching up. Life has changed. We are older, maybe wiser but certainly more responsible or is that with more responsibilities? Either way it made me realise how I miss having friends or family stay. It made me realise I enjoy my house more when I see others enjoy it too.

After Tourrettes we all went to Monaco and the girls were tasked with being Monaco guides. This gave me just enough time to pack, get my paperwork ready and prepare for VALENCIA!!

Finally I was flying! It was strange being at an airport again. Even for our 6h00am flight Nice airport was busy enough and Paris (our stopover) was heaving. I was surprised to see everything so normal when our lives have been so restricted.

Valencia was amazing. Being able to spend time with my parents -  it was just good for my soul. The girls enjoyed spending time in the city, we shopped, ate out, visited local markets and places my mum frequented as a child. My mum and I got started on the planning of her 50th Wedding anniversary, contacted the venue, visited the venue and booked the venue! I was able to accompany my dad for his routine blood tests and some ridiculously early hour. It’s not that we did anything wildly exciting, or interesting or different but just being together was enough. It was all we needed. The thing that Covid has most starved us of - ordinary family life. 

The journey back today (another 6h00am flight!) went smoothly and suddenly I feel free. Able to travel (with masks), make plans (cautiously) and basically be independent again to do whatever I want to do. And whilst I’m not rushing to jump on another plane or take a trip I don’t need to take I do feel like the world (more importantly, my world) is open again. Psychologically it makes a huge different. I feel happier, lighter and hopeful. 

Tomorrow school starts and our routine returns… Bring it on!

I can’t sleep. Since we caught COVID I haven’t slept properly through the night. I sleep 3-5 hours and then I’m awake for another 2-3 hours. Maybe I will fall asleep again but tonight I just got up at 5:00am, I’d been awake for 1.5 hours by then. And I feel groggy, like I have had a drink (which I haven’t) and have a very slight headache too (which vanishes when I start moving and getting on with my day) and I’m ravenous. I wake up starving at 2:00am! It is strange. Maybe it is COVID, maybe it is a bad habit I have fallen into, maybe I’m just not tired enough. I have ten more minutes before the day kicks in… plenty to do so maybe I will tire myself out today. 

My First Parents’ Evening

Yesterday I went to my first ever parents evening at Amaia’s new school. Wow, just wow. I was blown away by the constant flow of praise for her focus, hard work, enthusiasm, smile, attentiveness, willingness to listen, participate and her general joy in learning. And it wasn’t just all the wonderful comments that made my head explode it was backed up by fantastic grades. It isn’t a complete surprise, I know Amaia is a good student but to hear 10 teachers sing her praises, well it felt better than winning the lottery. 

Well done Amaia you are a SUPER STAR! We are so very proud of you. Keep up the excellent work!

The Covid Holiday comes to an end....

I am writing this as husband drives us all back to Monaco. Tomorrow we can officially return to normality, whatever that is. 

It has been a strange week. Firstly accepting that we have caught this killer virus that has resulted in nearly five million deaths to date.  Secondly, after so many months of avoiding it and being terrified of it,  COVID turned out not to be so bad. Furthermore all those we had contact with after being diagnosed didn't seem that bothered for their own safety. Yes, they wore masks but I didn't even see gloves or hand sanitizer let alone hazmat suits!! 

A Covid nurse called us every day to check our symptoms and after that we were left to our own devices. 

We had a very peaceful time at the house. There was enough food in the freezer and in the cupboards to see us through and a friend delivered some fresh produce. The girls played and did school work. The pace of life was slower and probably more beneficial than we realise. I didn't hound the girls about school work and let them go at their pace. If they wanted to play Lego after breakfast that was fine. They are conscientious enough to return to their books after letting off some steam. Husband worked in the end bedroom and would garden and walk if it was quiet. I did my usual pottering, reading and upped my praying (whilst walking laps of the garden). 

Today we are back at the flat and that is also fine. It will help us get into the mindset of school/work/chores and out of this holiday.

I am still feeling slightly congested. I am not 100% healthy but then it has only been a week. We will return to normality - school and the office but hold back on other "activities". We will take it slowly. Be gentle on ourselves and not try and go full throttle the first week back. Next week the holidays start too. More rest. And a silver lining. I have booked to visit my parents in Valencia. It is the tonic we all need. The lifting of lagging spirits. We will be super careful but we will be together. An unexpected together.  And that is something to celebrate. 

Covid Campers

We have all finally been caught by Covid. After a couple of days with a bad cold and generally feeling under the weather it turns out I had Covid. On Wednesday night just before bed our family’s PCR tests dropped into our inbox - four positives. Well, at least that explained why I had felt so awful on Monday and Tuesday but then not so awful to be the terrifying COVID! 

Looking back we had created the perfect storm. It all started on Friday. Husband picked us up and we drove to the house early enough to set up the tent and the campfire for the evening. Yes, Leia had a bit if a runny nose but she was so desperate to camp and really, it wasn’t that cold, this could be our last chance before spring. So we ate dinner in doors and then roasted marshmallows and made (overrated) s’mores by the campfire. It was fun. It was different. Even the skies cleared and the stars put on a spectacular show. All was good. We eventually drifted off in our cosy tent at about 11:00pm. All four of us huddled together cosily, breathing in that stale, virus infected air all night. 

The next day we all felt tired. Nothing new there, who has a proper night’s sleep in a tent? I’d even gone back to my own bed indoors at 4:00am but still felt like I’d pulled an all nighter! We were all in a lazy mood and Leia was definitely the most shattered. She’d lost her spark. She lay on the sofa that afternoon and eventually went for a sleep before dinner. So far nothing unusual. Everything had a logical explanation. The next morning Leia was fine and Amaia felt tired after lunch and also took to bed on Sunday afternoon. The rest of us felt fine. Amaia eventually went to bed without any dinner but awoke on Monday morning ready to seize the day. 

On Monday we had electricians in doing some wiring. It was noisy and very limiting to what I could do. However at lunch time they tootled off and I went for a run. Yes, I even surprised myself! But as the afternoon progressed I physically noticed how gradually a sense of unwell-ness was brewing. It was very surreal. I was fine and then I wasn’t. The girls were already being fed my mum’s chicken stock soup to boost them up and I made a quick flu soup (sweet potatoes, red onion, ginger and chilli) for Husband and I. We were snotty, congested and a bit achy. Hmmmm….

Tuesday was more of the same. I cancelled Pilates and my Piano teacher cancelled her lesson as she was feeling unwell. But by Tuesday afternoon, once the noisy electricians had left I noticed that I felt much better. I dressed. I put on makeup. I looked a picture of health! (OK, maybe a bit snotty but otherwise healthy!). Leia didn’t go to kick boxing, I didn’t want her spreading her snotty germs around her class. We headed home. The cold seemed to get worse at night and Husband and I were ready for bed at a shockingly early hour.

Wednesday… LAMDA. The LAMDA teacher wasn’t out off by our snotty family and despite my offering to cancel the lesson she replied she would come but wear a mask during the class. As a precaution I went to the pharmacy and took and Antigen test. It was all very easy. We discussed my new earrings, how I was snotty but otherwise OK. Yes, I’d look around the shops for 20 minutes and come and get my result. Well, you can imagine my shock when 20 minutes later I was told I had tested positive. This could not be COVID! And what was I suppose to do? 

After that it was all a bit strange, Husband got tested with the doctor, he was positive. He booked for us all to have PCR tests that afternoon and by bed time we knew the whole family was infected. This killer virus in our home. In my children. It felt dreadful. Unreal. And yet at the same time so much better than all my fears of COVID. It was bearable. It was manageable. In fact it was just a cold with a terrifying name. And so far we have been so very, very, very LUCKY. I keep pinching myself. I keep scaring myself with how it could have been. 

The doctor gave a medication that seems to be working. No more aches but the runny nose and general congestion continues. And sneezing. None of which are typical COVID symptoms. We came to the house yesterday afternoon. Friends delivered food supplies. We have space, fresh air and sunshine. It is, dare I say, pleasant! I have the energy to go about my everyday chores - someone has to keep feeding, washing, tidying, ironing etc regardless of COVID! Husband is merely working from home and the girls are pretty much asymptomatic so this is a holiday for them.

It is weird to have finally caught what we have spent so long avoiding! To have my experience of COVID as oppose to news reports, statistics and horror stories. Maybe we are the exception. Maybe we aren’t. But after twenty months of running from COVID, it finally got hold of us. And for now, I am well enough to tell the tale and count every single one of my blessings, Husband’s blessings, Amaia’s blessings and Leia’s blessings. I cannot take any of it for granted.

Weary

Last week was tough. I felt weary, tired, unmotivated and just fed up with everything. All I wanted to do was crawl under a duvet and hide... Would anyone notice?  But instead I did all the usual stuff and tried to act like Everything. Is. Fine. I know why I felt that way. I was tired after a very busy weekend, then on Monday night Husband pretty much worked through the night and came back to bed at 6:00am plus Amaia had a bad day at school, on top of that I was dealing with the realisation that there would be no London reunion this half term, we wouldn’t  be seeing my parents at all and we would be “at home” for another holiday. Thanks COVID! The physical exhaustion, the lack of sleep, the worrying about Amaia and the uncertainty of everything hit me and I was knocked out. Yes, I can admit it now. This was beyond “languishing”, this was misery. 

Thankfully it passed and by Thursday afternoon I noticed my mood had lifted. The clouds were shifting and I could see things in perspective. Nothing had changed, everything wasn’t fine but it did seem manageable again. 

And then the good stuff came… I had my afternoon Skype chat with Nancy, I had a relaxing Thursday night, on Friday I had a lovely beach lunch with a good friend I haven’t seen in YEARS, we got to the house super early and the next 48 hours were RESTFUL. It felt soooooo good. Bliss. 

Saturday was a gloriously sunny day and I believe I drifted off whilst reading my book on the terrace. Sunday was wet but we took the girls to “Ecole des Filles” for lunch and had a delicious meal together as well as a change of scene from our usual haunts. 

I’m not entirely sure what this week will bring but it is Monday, I’ve done the ironing, tidied, had two slices of banana bread and some “me” time, got paperwork out of the way, been to Mass and written this post. Whatever comes my way I am just going to take a deep breath and take things in my stride. Have a good week! 

Catch up

So... this is what we have come to? A snatched moment here and there as I type (and squint) furiously to get as much down as the minutes tick by until I am on call again. It wasn't meant to be like this!!

I know, I know it has been a long time. Clearly a very long time because my usual sized font is looking very blurry now... I should be wearing my glasses. But I can’t be distracted otherwise this post will never be written, so I will strive on blurry or not.

I'm going to skip Summer (for now) and just celebrate "la rentree" which went very smoothly. I think I was more nervous that Amaia about her new school. Oh my goodness.... it is soooooo, so, so hard accepting my little girl is growing up and not needing me around as much!! But she is thriving and happy and full of enthusiasm so I am quietly relieved and very grateful. Having a locker changes everything!!! I never knew a locker could be so empowering but hey... I was at school last century! Leia has Amaia's old teacher and is feeling the pressure of living up to her sister's standards. She also isn't in the same class as her gang of friends aka "The Dream Team" but she is putting on a brave face. 

So far (yes, I know we are only in week three!) it is all going well. We have started piano and LAMDA. Leia had started kick boxing again. Amaia will try out (mountain) climbing tomorrow but the two of us are also doing the "daily mile" together. It isn't just exercise but also a chance for us to have one on one time too - her new school routine has more or less cut out any time together in the afternoons. I've also given myself a kick up the back side and started a running programme. Hopefully I can run an unofficial half marathon in a couple of months.  

Right. Time is up. Got to go and pick up Leia. Laters and lovely being back!!!

There are people who come into your lives and don’t just leave footprints but settle down and set up camp in your heart. That is the only way I can describe Lee. 

I was broken on Saturday after learning she was no longer with us. And yet she was and still is because in Tourrettes she is everywhere…

The plastic green goblets were inspired by her “no glass by the pool” rule.

The bamboo dinner set that she loved and that we used during those ridiculously long lunches are a constant reminder of times shared.

The end bedroom is hers.

The view from her bed was her “happy place” that she would revisit in her head when times were tough.

The cards we play with have a picture of her and the girls from our last visit.

The shopping list pad on our fridge is a gift from her too.

The mini pizzas in the freezer were  discovered because of her dislike of tomato sauce.

And then looking back over two decades of friendship there are just so many memories that stand out…

The surreal ride in a yellow van when my grandfather died.

Buying fancy sausages to take to my then boyfriend (now Husband) in Monaco.

Being the only place I could think to go to when I arrived on a plane the day of the 7/7 bombings and London was in turmoil.

Our first meal out with a wheelchair during her “boot camp” hospital stay. 

Introducing me to the Burberry warehouse in Hackney.

The amount we could talk (from breakfast to lunch) and yet be totally comfortable with silence too.

Relais des Coches lunches - lamb kebabs and Prosecco.

The only person I know who drank Pepsi (with Vodka) 

Watching the girls while I did my marathon training in Tourrettes.

Hours spent colouring, playing and talking to the girls and becoming just as much their friend as mine.

The storm show the girls put on because “Lee LOVES storms mama!”

How we drank champagne and ate steak three weeks after Amaia was born, 

The articles she would send in the post from ES magazine to remind me of London,

The little Italian that we always headed to whenever I visited. 

There are just too many to mention….

Lee was always so full of energy, enthusiasm and positivity. She had come back from the brink of death once before. She had astounded doctors with her recovery and readily taken on the challenge of proving them wrong time and time again. She was a fighter. Even when her health was a struggle she would just remind me that she could be dead already. Everyday was a gift, an opportunity to learn, to laugh, to enjoy, to connect with others. She never stopped living life to the full, taking classes, booking activities, going on excursions even if she would have to sleep all the next day from exhaustion. She never complained. Not even when she had plenty to complain about! As I cried more tears on Saturday (and re read that whole weeks Richard Rohr contemplations on Grieving) I came to the realisation Lee wasn’t afraid of dying, she had already stared it in the face, she was afraid of not living. And now that she had taken every opportunity, squeezed out of life all that she could she was ready for the next adventure. I miss her terribly but I understand now.

Thank you Papas

I could list the many reasons to thank you both… from the feast prepared and devoured on our arrival, the constant supply of our favourite things, hotel like breakfasts, delicious meals etc etc

But it isn’t that stuff that I truly miss. Papas, it is simply your presence from the minute I get up; the companionship and conversation, the sharing of memories and the plotting of future plans. I marvel at the way our lives slot into each others so seamlessly. Yes, we live totally different lives on a day to day basis but somehow we are in sync when we are together. No, it isn’t perfect, it isn’t all smooth running, it can be chaotic and noisy and frustrating and I do moan a lot! But in overcoming frustrations, obstacles and differences we simply strengthen the bonds of our family. I realise now that it is in the quiet everyday living, the good morning kisses, an unexpected hug, a chat as you prepare lunch, helping you hang out laundry, taking post lunch coffee orders, these mostly mundane moments are memories in the making. Memories shared amongst three generations and laying the foundation for the ones to come. 

Thank you Papas. X

Time (written a while ago)

 Is it me or have the days gotten longer? 

I am coming to the end of my stay in Monaco having left the girls in Valencia with my parents. Wow! Days are long! I have lazed about, moved furniture, reorganised cupboards, packed, cleared out, read, watched films during the day. It has been relaxing but also a little dull. Don’t get me wrong, it is heavenly to wake up naturally and not be woken up. It has been a delight to not deal with breakfasts, lunches and dinners. I’ve utterly enjoyed my evenings out with husband but overall the days do feel a little emptier, I miss the noise, the chatter, laughter and giggles. I miss their energy and their enthusiasm. I miss their cuddles and holding their little hands. But I’m glad I am missing all that, it will make the reunión all the sweeter.

Holidays on the Horizon

We are hurtling towards the end of term at lightening speed now, I don’t know where this month has disappeared to but overall we have been a lot busier than in the previous months of this school year. 

Maybe we just feel busier because certain things are back in our routine. Kick boxing twice a week means Tuesday and Thursday evenings are a bit manic and rushed. Mass on Sunday mornings also means that we have dropped our leisurely Sunday breakfast. We have eaten out once a week, last week we returned to Clovis for the first time this year. The girls joined us for dinner and as always had a lovely evening and some delicious food. Last week I also had Amaia off school on Tuesday after a dermatologist appointment. We got to enjoy a little shopping in Zara and got some Summer reading books. It was unexpected but it was also fun! Tuesday evening we saw Leia’s show and she was brilliant. All the kids did well but obviously I thought Leia was the best! On Wednesday Amaia came out of school super enthusiastically as she’d just been to visit her future secondary school. She talked all the way home!! Amaia and I did some of the lovely Plage Mala coastal walk on Thursday evening while Leia was at kick boxing. I’m determined to get the girls all the way to plage Mala this week!  On Friday I had my first ever lunch out with a friend and then in the evening we had Amaia’s farewell to primary school soirée. It felt weird after a year of avoiding people and wearing masks to be out with a whole class load of people but we had a very pleasant evening. Friday was also the prize giving at the school and both girls were rewarded for their hard work, although I’m still not sure what for exactly!

And this week is busy again with piano this evening and kick boxing end of term class tomorrow. And finally at 11h30 on Wednesday the school year comes to an end. And what a year! Another full on COVID 19 year but we managed to avoid home schooling and the school remained open all year. The girls have been super lucky. But they have also been super dedicated to their school work and given it all they have got. Despite all the uncertainty around them they just got on it the work and didn’t complain. Their reports were great too. I really can’t complain and am so proud of them. My two little girls who are not so little any more.

Right, I better venture out of this flat and into the heat and humidity... lucky me. X

Summer Lovin'

 Oh! Dare I say it? Summer is here! Finally! (Hopefully!) It is so hard leaving the house just as the temperature begins to cool and the terrace teases us with the possibility of drinks and nibbles after an afternoon poolside. I don't want to return to Monaco!! 

This weekend we cleaned the terraces and all the summer furniture and then in the evening we invited our neighbour over for drinks and dinner and enjoyed sitting outside till late. 

Breakfast this morning was also served outside and the temperature was perfect. Strawberries and watermelon with the usual toasts and yoghurts. We also returned to the Tourrettes church this Sunday for the first time in months. The girls are no longer those fidgety, bored little girls that I had to entertain with drawing and books during the mass.  Oh how times have changed!!

For lunch we headed to Relais des Coches to celebrate the girls getting Distinction in their LAMDA. We now enjoy the dressing up and going out as much as the meal! (Well, maybe not Husband!).

I was finally able to do some sunbathing this afternoon while the girls played in the pool. The suddenness of Summer means my skin hasn't had the chance to get its usual colour and I can't face strappy dresses without a tan. 

Last week was busy too. We got our second jabs and thankfully I was absolutely fine. I didn't have any side effects - unless my sudden need to shop can be blamed on the vaccine?? Hmmm. Hadn't thought of that....

We also had a busy bank holiday on Thursday working around the girls' various play dates.  On Wednesday the girls and I went to afternoon tea at The Hermitage Hotel with their LAMDA teacher. What a civilised and delightful way to spend an afternoon. An excuse to dress up, pink champagne, savoury treats and delicious cakes! I will be back!! 

So as you can see things are improving... we are out more, we dress up, we smile, we make plans, we interact, we reach out to all the people, places and things we missed. We appreciate our freedom. We remain careful. I hope and pray that eventually life around the world continues moving in this direction for everyone. 

 

Life is good.

 I am sitting here, feeling quite exhausted but also quietly elated. We have had two amazing weekends. We have eaten out, visited family, been shopping, stayed in a hotel and had Leia’s First Communion. For the first time since February 2020 the diary has been busy. And it has been utterly wonderful. Exhausting but absolutely wonderful. 

In Valencia I got to hug and kiss my parents. At last! The girls and their grandparents were reunited and it was heavenly. We are very grateful. My mum fulfilled her ambition of buying Leia an exquisite dress and I was surprised by Leia’s choice of dress, very classic, simple and elegant. We celebrated Leia’s birthday in her favourite restaurant - El Baret de Quique. Our home from home kitchen which we hadn’t visited since December 2019. Oh, the food.... delicious! 

The journey back home was long, and the motorways are no longer “Covid” quiet due to the lifting of travel restrictions in the last few weeks. I did like those empty motorways of 2020! 

This weekend feels like another whirlwind of activity. We did more in 48 hours than we have in the last 18 months! Husband booked us a surprise stay at the Monte Carlo Bay. I got a much needed hair cut. We ate out at Avenue 31. We had Leia’s Communion followed by a celebratory lunch at Le Grill. We may have over dressed for lunch, but... sometime you just have to. Both girls wore their Communion dresses to lunch. I should have worn my wedding dress just to continue the theme! But the girls were so happy in their dresses. They looked angelically beautiful ( yes, I may be biased). 

Finally, it feels like life is moving on. Yes, with masks on, QR codes and hand sanitiser at the ready. But it is moving, The fear is lifting and life is kicking in. At last. 

F'ing Foxtons

I had the misfortune of having to deal with the lettings agency Foxtons these last few weeks. I cannot stress how absolutely unbearable it has been. Shockingly. Customer service at its absolute lowest. Dealing with them I become the person I really don't want to be...

Thankfully amongst the horrendous there was a little glimmer of helpfulness. She may not have got it all right but she sympathised, stayed calm and actually kept her word when it came to "getting back" to me (the only person that actually did what I asked her to!). 

Whilst chasing up late rent (tenant had paid I hadn't received it three months later nor was it featuring in the rental statement) it transpired that because of our very Covid friendly reduced rent the tenant had technically "overpaid" us. I was OK with that explanation. Well Foxtons were holding on to this "extra" rent. It didn't get logged on the rental statements. It didn't get returned to the tenant. I wasn't OK with that. It just stank of sneaky unprofessionalism. Here we are all making sacrifices and allowances for Covid. All of us except Foxtons that sat on over £3k of the tenant's money. While he was just getting by... he had no idea how much money they were holding. He assumed it had been paid to us. So we couldn't be paid an extra £500 but they could sit on over £3k.... quietly. Until someone made a fuss. I made the fuss. 

Even if they had returned the money to the tenant I would have gone away quietly. Even signed a renewal contract with them. But NO. Instead I got rude emails from someone telling me I had been overpaid. By £6k. I had to return the money. In another email I was told I owed even more money. That I had received so much money I wondered why we'd reduced the rent in the first place. Each time I replied with emails showing payments received, rental statements and cc'd my tenant in to show there was total transparency. I asked for dates of when I would have received all this money. Nothing came back. Another email another amount I owed. It was painful. Like trying to reason with a toddler. 

All this took way to much time of being kept on hold, being ignored and then receiving rude emails from someone so incompetent that in the end I didn't even reply to her.  Oh, and all this was happening in the shadow of a renewal contract. Despite not signing the paperwork I got charged commission and the end date of my tenancy was changed. All done without my signature let alone my agreement. 

It became obvious that the relationship was over. I emailed Foxtons to say I wouldn't be renewing. IGNORED. Phoned the agent. Left a message. IGNORED. And so on and on. Four weeks of that unpleasantness, utter incompetence and dismal customer service. 

Hopefully it is over now. Of course the deposit hasn't been received nor has the overpaid commission been returned but they are out of the equation for the future. My blood pressure can return to normal and I can stop shouting down the phone at people!

Changes, mindset & positivity

Slowly. Slowly. Cautiously. Quietly. Carefully. Changes are noted. Moods are changing. Hope is on the horizon. 

I'm not going to deny there have been low moments on this "holiday". Miserably low moments that I couldn't even indulge in because there is that constant guilt that I am one of the lucky ones! But today is different. Today feels hopeful. Today feels like a new start. Maybe it is the warm embrace of the April sun lifting my spirits like an old friend or the delicate blossom on the trees around me, possibly it is the kaleidoscope of colours that Spring flowers offer... Maybe it is the cheerful birdsong. Or the calming murmurs of the gentle breeze. All I know is that today feels different... 

As I walked to and from the village I thought about how this is the mindset I want to keep.  Because it is all about the mindset. But it is so easy to be positive when surrounded by the beauty of nature enhanced by gentle sun light...

And so I tell myself I must remember all the good things that happened this holiday. The little things that I'm sure are adding to my uplifted mood.

1. The girls recital went well. All done in one take!

2. LAMDA exams over.

3. A day with friends. We walked to la Turbie. Had a picnic and walked down with Leia's best friend's family. Then playdates for both my girls.

4. A bit of independence. Girls went to local supermarket alone. And are now charged with doing the recycling alone.

5. Delicious chinese takeaway on Tuesday.

6. Baked a delicious Almond bakewell cake. 

7. Husband and I went for an evening walk for the first time in over a year!! (Curfew is now 9pm. Restaurants are open in the evening too.)

8. Final days of the holiday at the house. Mask free walks and freedom. 

9. My dad had his first jab this week and my mum has hers on Tuesday. 

Yes... change is hopefully on the horizon and in the meantime I must just hold on tight as this roller coaster ride draws to an end and remember this moment NOW. This golden moment of hope and happiness, the perfect storm of spring warmth, colours, light and music that fills me with blessed positivity. 

So over it!

I have written a couple of times but decided against posting them. They were so  VERY negative.  And I was so VERY whinge-y. Sometimes you can see that things aren't as bad as they could be and you feel grateful. Other times you focus on things not being as good as you'd like and you feel guilty. And that is basically my life at the moment. I know I am so lucky and yet I feel so fed up and frustrated!! I want to stamp my feet and scream (on behalf of everyone and not just myself) "IT'S. NOT. FAIR!!!" And then I just want someone I trust and can rely on (and not politicians with agendas) to tell me everything is going to be ok, not yet but SOON. And while we will still have to be vigilant and careful we can go back to LIVING. Living life as we knew it. You know, going out, being spontaneous, hugging each other, travelling, reuniting, wanting interaction... otherwise known as LIFE. LIVING. ENJOYING. BEING.

I am a grumpy mess. I have a super short fuse at the moment. I am unimpressed with myself. I am unimpressed with the so called early "holiday". We have no where to go and nothing to do. The girls still have things scheduled like LAMDA exams and a piano recital. These have now fallen in their holiday when previously it was in term time. I found myself arguing with strangers today outside a bakery... I do not recognise this person I've become but I do know her days are numbered. She is on her way out! 

Ouch!

I fell over. I was running. I tripped. I fell. I crashed. On to my FACE! 

I was enjoying the sunshine, doing the longest run I’d done in over a year (I think). I was lost in thought. I was on the return leg and I stumbled. My keys were in my hand meaning I couldn’t stop myself. Or maybe I was slow to react. Who knows... I was flat on the floor. It hurt. I slowly dusted myself and my ego off. Leggings torn at the knee, a grazed and bloody knee that is better suited to a five year old that a 45 year old! I touched my face, there was blood. Everything hurt BUT everything was working! Phew! I was 5km from home and out of Monaco. I had no phone, no money and quite frankly I was feeling quite sheepish. I ran home. 

Dabbing my face with my cool down top as I ran and wondering what was bleeding so much. Eventually a parked scooter wing mirror revealed a very grazed chin, cut lips and thankfully all my teeth still in place! Phew!! 

Three days later my mouth feels almost normal but my grazed chin looks rather gross. On the bright side the rest of my face looks great in comparison! I have never been more accepting of my skin! The grazed knew and grazed palms are also healing nicely. And I’m pretty sure I will be running again next week.

One year later

Can it really be a year of lock downs, curfews and restrictions. 

Can it already be a year since I hugged a friend? 

Has it been a year since I was spontaneous and walked out the door without a second thought? 

A year since we walked mask free, faces with smiles and frowns for all the world to see?

And whilst I try and stay positive it seems to me that there hasn’t been much progress in that year. I am grateful I am not in a full lock down again, I am relieved that the girls are at school (with masks on all day), I am lucky I am not hugely bothered by a 19h00 curfew and I accept the non existent social life.

But one year later the virus still has enough of a hold on the world, it still dictates our lifestyle, it still influences our choices and our daily life.

On Thursday the Alpes Maritime went into lockdown whilst the little bubble that is Monaco stays open. It is so complicated to work out what we can and can’t do. Apparently I can stay in a hotel in Tourrettes but I can’t stay at my house without a PCR test. Really? Seriously? 

For the sake of my sanity I had to focus on what Monaco was offering... I could go to mass (in English), I would have less cleaning and less beds to make, we could practice the piano over the weekend, the girls could roller skate alone in the back courtyard, we could get Amaia some new trainers in Decathlon and start some running training, we could walk about freely in Monaco, local shops were open (handy when you need popcorn at 17h00 on a Sunday!) and there was no packing up of the house or any commute. In fact Monaco weekends are perfectly pleasant once the social aspect is removed! 

I don’t know how much longer this will go on. I don’t yet see a light at the end of the tunnel. The vaccines are being rolled out painfully slowly... When will we be able to safely socialise again? Jump on a plane and visit family without any fear? Treat ourselves to a meal out and neither constantly sanitise or worry? One year later and we still have no idea. 

Half Term Highs and Lows

Written on March 10th.

Overall it was a successful half term. We have clearly adjusted to Covid restrictions and didn’t leave the house in the first week. The weather was glorious and we enjoyed al fresco lunches and hanging out in the garden. We left the outside world alone and yet while some days were slow we were never bored.

The girls cooking and baking went through the roof. They made a meal a day and baked a few treats too. They made bread, cinnamon rolls, flapjacks, pizza, snickerdoodles and a five layer carrot cake with buttercream. Delicious. We also surprised Husband with a tapas feast one evening after work. Leia made her own garlic mayo to go with the patatas bravas and I was beyond impressed. 

The final weekend was spent in Monaco and the return to school was pretty easy. Lucky me. 

Super Smug Tuesday

 I know it is only the second day of the holidays. I know that there is plenty of time for it all to go very wrong but for today I am just going to enjoy feeling rather smug. 

Our staycation started with a lovely relaxing weekend at home. We didn’t venture out once! There was delicious comfort food and plenty of quiet time. Bliss. Yesterday the girls and I wrote up some aims for the holidays and gave our days a loose structure so that we had something to focus on if we felt lost. We planned our menu for the week and I am letting the girls cook lunch instead of baking cakes and biscuits every day. We also slotted some time in for reading, exercise and board games. 

So Monday was pretty relaxing. I did washing and cleaned bathrooms. Then it was reading and clearing out. The girls did their homework, played with Lego and then spent a surprising amount of time practicing their roller skating. When they got bored they prepared dinner - leek and potato soup. Around 17h00 I was called down for nibbles and cards. Then the finishing touches to the soup before we sat down to an unusually early supper. It was very tasty but next time we need to double the quantities. A quiet evening lay ahead, we watched a film and then read some more before bed. 

This morning I carried on reading while the girls made their breakfast. Then they made bread. I carried on reading. Then the dough was made, kitchen ‘cleaned up’ (in theory and to their standard) and they got their school bags and did their homework AND still I lay in bed reading savouring every minute of this new experience! When the homework hour was over the roller skates came on and yes, your are right, I continued to read! By 11h00 the book was finished and they were prepping for their cheese, ham and onion omelette!! I showered, dressed and eventually made an appearance downstairs! What a morning! I seriously feel like I just had a holiday!!

Now I am writing as they make cinnamon rolls. I have given up sugar for Lent and it is proving quite easy this year if rather dull. I have said that home made treats will be the occasional exception to my rule. But this isn’t about me and Lent this is about two little people downstairs, they are chatting away, staying busy and utterly enjoying their kitchen independence. I am in total awe of their enthusiasm, persistence and confidence in the kitchen - they don’t get it from me! I am ridiculously proud of them. Can you tell?

Birthday Celebrations

Yesterday Amaia turned 11. She was super excited. The days had been counted down since the beginning of the month and the hours since the beginning of the week. 

We all woke up early to enjoy a special birthday breakfast of chocolate birthday cake! What a way to start the day. I think it should become the only way to start the day!! Of course the candles and cake didn't even get a look in until the cards and presents were opened. She was speechless when she received her very own kindle! And it was a delight to witness her enthusiasm and gratitude. 

After breakfast and getting ready for school we managed to fit in some facetime calls with China and Greece. Then school beckoned...

After school and thanks to the sunny weather I treated the girls to an icecream. I don't think a "gouter" gets much better than that!!

Amaia had managed to do her homework for Friday on Wednesday and so she was able to relax and make more facetime calls with family and show off her cards and presents. 

Dinner was burgers from Steak n Shake followed by more birthday cake. In between she built some Lego, updated her LOL sticker book and told us all about the writing competition she was going to enter. She was on excellent form! 

As for me... I can't believe my little baby is 11. The years have flown by. I hope she keeps smiling her brilliant smile, laughing with abandonment as only she can, loving us all so affectionately and generously. I hope that enthusiasm never disappears and she can pick herself up after every stumble. I hope she learns and grows from every challenge. And I hope our love and support gives her the strength and courage to become the person she wants to be. 

Decluttering and beautifying

Last week I cleared out and decluttered like never before. It dawned on me a short while ago that this flat is my home like it or not. The tired kitchen and exhausted looking bathroom are going no where. In my mind I’ve always thought one day we’d move somewhere less shabby and more polished as we became more polished (by that I mean older!). But it hasn’t happened. We haven’t turned into my idea of grown ups. Husband still walks around in shorts and T shirts, I need to wear trainers all the time, my hair always looks a mess and quite frankly “comfortable” is the best way to capture my style! So, thirteen years later and I am now trying to make the place look...Comfortable? Tidy? Homely? Cosy? Or maybe I just want it to look less like a dumping ground and more like we’ve put some thought and effort into its interior. I emptied two units of paperwork, junk, odd bits and bobs. I binned, recycled and reorganised like never before. Even my desk was momentarily cleared!! I arranged to have the units taken away along with a broken ironing board and other things that I don’t need, want or use. I have been ruthless.

On Friday I cleaned like never before and suddenly, by lunchtime the flat looked so different. Our entrance was tidy and organised, shoes arranged neatly, bags hanging up, shelves polished. The living room has clear surfaces! The dining table has a simple candle and nothing else. Our gym mats are out of sight. No gym equipment in view. The girls’ bedroom was a pretty as a picture. My bedroom looked surprisingly clutter-free. Everything was in its place. The bathroom sparkled and the kitchen looked quite presentable. I’d never seen my flat like this. And I loved it! 

It is now Monday afternoon and the flat remains in the same condition. I am determined to stay on top of it. I am also determined to replace and upgrade some of the “make do” things we bought thirteen years ago.  This flat will never be polished but it can be pampered and made beautiful. Watch this space!

Look what Covid made me do!!

We all know life as we knew it has changed. Thanks to Covid we are all a little more low key, a lot more at home and now we seem to find comfort in the simpler things, practical things, comfortable things... 

I can only use this excuse for my motivation for buying a bright green "dad fleece"! Yes, it's from J Crew, it's super soft and cosy and I love it BUT in the brightness of daylight I do probably look like an extra from Sesame Street! 

What do you think?

And as if that wasn't enough today I received delivery of my second rubber broom which is so much better than a bristle broom with collecting hair. Now I have one for MC and one for the house. A year ago I would have laughed out loud at the thought of this!!

So Monaco!!

And finally... my taste in TV shows and films seems to be changing too. Watching Justice League last night and it captivated me enough to leave my phone alone!!  That disturbs me slightly and I'm not even going to tell you how much I'm enjoying The Masked Singer. 

Yes, I'm blaming Covid all the way!!

Today's walk

 My friend Liza and I have being walking up to La Turbie most Wednesdays for a while now and I'm embarrassed to admit I still don't know the way!! I just don't pay attention! Now we have started doing longer walks (hikes?) on Fridays when the weather allows. Today's walk was stunning. We walked to La Turbie and then carried on walking further and further up until we got the the Monte Carlo Golf Club all the way in Mont Agel and no where near Monte Carlo!! The views were stunning. The forests beautifully picturesque and we were absolutely alone, masks off and breathing clean air. Hurray!! 

Snow capped mountains in the distance. 

The other side of this view:

And finally a little sign of spring...

Three and a half hours of walking, 16kms and altitude of 768m.  I am so ready for the weekend!!! Enjoy!! X 

Thursday, my day.

I like Thursday. Of all the days of the week it feels like my day. First of all Thursday is Friday eve so the weekend is finally visible on the horizon. Secondly, I have the lovely soup kitchen to attend. Being of use to others has probably never been so important. Thirdly, I have gotten into the habit of not rushing home so I go for a walk if the weather is nice or sit in the little Ste Devote church for quiet time alone. And finally on Thursdays I Skype with my friend Nancy in the US. It is one of the positive things to come out of the pandemic -  scheduling a weekly catch up call with Nancy. I’ve just come back from my post soup kitchen walk, made my self a coffee and a slice of toast and settled down to some typing...

So where are we at? The curfew in Monaco continues until the half term holiday, 19 February. We are lucky however as schools are still open. Last week Amaia’s class had a positive case. This was dealt with swiftly. The children that normally ate lunch at the same table as this child were immediately sent home. The rest of the class were tested the following morning and results were received a few hours later. The whole class tested negative. I guess this is thanks to everyone wearing a mask at school all day except to eat lunch. In Tourrettes this weekend we were surprised to learn that masks are only obligatory inside public spaces and not out in the open. I will take that as some positive progress but still wear a mask!

Well I shall leave you on that little ray of hope... some chores still need to be seen to my day or not!

Searching for gold...

I am focusing on the good stuff. The world in 2021 is still a hard place to be. Covid cases continue to rise, new variants appear regularly, restrictions get tightened and the rolling out of the vaccine feels painfully slow. I have stopped watching the news or checking statistics and instead try to find little nuggets of joy in the confines of my ever decreasing world such as...

- the instant pick me up of a blue sky

- a quiet coffee

- anything exciting arriving in the post (thank you Lee!)

- a good sleep

- the glorious light and cloud formations we see as we walk home from school, worthy of a masterpiece 

- laughter with the girls

- a good run with a sparkling sea as my motivating companion 

- a chance conversation with a stranger

- mornings when I am up before the family stirs

- being able to go to Mass

- enjoying the challenging 3,5 hour hike up to the Tete de Chien and being rewarded with those views

- good conversations with family and friends far away and greatly missed

- getting properly dressed at the start of the day (instead of living in gym wear)

- cuddles on the sofa 

- soup kitchen and everything about it

- the complete concentration of piano practice 

- a walk to La Turbie on a crisp, sunny morning

- holding hands

I will keep looking for and celebrating these little gems in my day. I won’t be dragged down by despair and negativity and constantly remind myself “even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise”. Wise words from Victor Hugo. Have a good day today and search out those gems! 

My messy reality finally accepted...

 Ok, so first of all I am totally aware that we are only on day three of the first week of term but already I feel something has changed for me. I noticed it shifting over the Christmas holidays and am delighted the “shift” continues into 2021. For once I feel acceptance. Not gratitude, not resentment, just an acceptance of my life how it is...

Usually for Christmas and New Year I like to focus on things being as close to perfect as I can muster. Eyebrows looking good, hair done, well thought through Christmas outfit, legs waxed, indulgent shower gel and body lotion. You know, as nice as things can get. This year I had my new outfit but I didn’t sweat the small stuff. I preferred to focus on the fact I was actually with my family, that was more than I could have wished for. Again, for NYE we were far from perfect. We’d just arrived from Spain and the girls stayed in their travelling clothes and whilst I changed my focus was on comfort rather than the usual, obligatory NYE glamour. And I felt fine about greeting 2021 as I was without it being representative of the year ahead. And guess what? If I was washing, tidying, unpacking and cleaning on the 1st January that is probably because it is representative of the year ahead! AND I AM OK WITH THAT!

This week, back in MC and the girls back at school means more of the cleaning, tidying, unpacking but this time I haven’t stressed. I’ve sat down to do the things important to me first and not waited for that “perfect” moment of quiet tranquility, calm and tidy home that always eludes me. I’ve prayed, meditated, practiced piano, PEAK trained, read and written in the midst of my messy reality and strangely felt more productive than usual! Hey, I’m even writing this with the ironing board still out! Who cares?

On top of that I’ve been switching of my phone from 20h00 to 08h00 so my evenings are not mindless browsing and it has been so liberating. No temptation to check messages, shops, news or anything just because my brain sit still for five minutes. I highly recommend! 

Anyway... that’s enough from me. I’m off to pick up the girls (after I’ve put the ironing board away!).

2020

It is the last day of a shockingly challenging year. There seems to have been more hardship, suffering, loss and loneliness this year than all my years on earth. I am one of the luckier ones whose loved one have remained healthy and safe. For Christmas I was even luckier and managed to spend it with my parents. In fact we have spent the last ten days together enjoying the luxury of shared mealtimes, delicious food, good company and a glass of wine or two!! We didn't feel the need to "do" anything just "be" together. So I am feeling very grateful and very fortunate right now as we make our way home tonight. 

2020 did also bring some good as we simplified our lifestyles. I mostly enjoyed not travelling as much. I learnt to like my eyebrows. I discovered luxe home wear. I learnt to bake and cook new things. We all developed a new found appreciation of teachers and schools. We walked more. We talked more. We cared about how others were coping and tried to lift the loneliness, the monotony and tedium. Overall we found pleasure in the simpler things in life adapting to confinement and curfews and a general stay home as much as you can routine! 

I am sure 2021 will be a totally different year. I know the aftermath of 2020 will last for a few months yet but I can't help feeling 2021 is going to go easier on us, be kinder, bring hope, happiness and much needed hugs.

Happy New Year. X

Never again

On Tuesday I ran 8km. I can't remember the last time I did this. I ran because I could. I ran out of Monaco and towards Roquebrune. The sun was shining and the sea sparkled. It was AMAZING. I realised how starved I was of this whole experience and vowed never, ever, ever would I take my running and the freedom it represents for granted again. 

My running view:

 

And while I'm being grateful...

Good morning view from my bed in Tourrettes:

And there I was worried that I hadn't actually missed this place enough!! My first weekend back was so relaxing I had a siesta followed by a long ESPA bath and did no cooking all weekend!! Life is good in Tourrettes!

November News and December dawns...

I started a post on Wednesday but I was tired and cold and quite frankly the post was so dull I could not bring myself to press ‘post’. But yesterday was a very different day. It was crisp and sunny and I needed that blue sky yesterday to turn this post round!

So where did we leave off? Monaco National day and a red and white outfit for Leia. In the end I sent her to school in my own clothes! A pair of cropped white skinny jeans (so skinny I probably haven’t worn them for two years), a long sleeved white péplum top (to hide the huge belt holding the jeans up!) and a cropped red cashmere jumper (didn’t looked cropped on her). She looked great, very teen like and dare I say a dash of the 80s about her!

The rest of the month was quiet as France continued its lockdown and we stayed in Monaco.  It was perfectly pleasant. The girls practised table tennis with Husband, we went for long walks around Monaco  and the girls probably discoverEd more of Monaco this month than ever before!! We got takeaways on Friday, we didn't use the car all month, we had a lot of free time, I was able to go to (a non crowded) Sunday mass again  and Amaia discovered Harry Potter books. Husband did all the serious cooking over the weekend and his standards didn’t drop despite our measly kitchen space. We played board games, watched Strictly, Bake Off and Master Chef , Amaia became slightly obsessed with the US election! I read a shocking amount. We didn’t feel cramped or claustrophobic at all. It really was a surprisingly relaxing and enjoyable month!! 

Last weekend the girls did another LAMDA exam and we are now finished for the term. With that ticked off our list it felt like the countdown for Christmas has finally begun. But what will Christmas be this year? Covid isn’t really cooperating with the usual planning and family reunions is it?

Well, on the plus side I have all my Xmas presents thanks to online shopping and early mornings!  Some to arrive here and some in Spain (just in case). I have made the annual family calendar and year book. I have ordered Christmas treats and wines. I have spent way too much on myself at Space NK (despite knowing their potions and lotions are far from magic!). I have succumbed to the temptation of J.Crew again. My Post Pal friends have all received advent calendars, I sent my gifts to a new family and I am in the middle of my Mrs Claus letter writing to the same boy as last year. It has certainly kept me busy these last couple of weeks. 

Now it is Friday morning, 06h30 and it is raining outside... Amaia is awake sitting next to me reading (devouring) Harry Potter Book 3 (in French! That was the compromise is she wanted to read them in term time).

So unlike Wednesday with my drab post today (and yesterday) I felt inspired. I know it was partly down to the blue sky, also the feel good factor of soup kitchen and maybe even my bright red jumper! After soup kitchen I refused to walk home and instead took a long walk to the digue and around the rock, appreciating the glittering sea, the song of the waves, the gentle heat of the sun, the quiet and calm around me. I walked to the back of the pêcheurs parking and settled onto a warm bench with a view of the rock, thé horizon and the imposingly beautiful Oceanographic museum and I just took it all in, prayed, contemplated, thought and let the minutes pass by luxuriously... lucky, lucky me.

(I am going to press post without checking it over for some reason my screen won’t allow me to see everything I have written....)

Emergency shop but no panic buys.

 Tomorrow is the National Feast Day in Monaco and the children are allowed to go to school dressed in red and white - the colours of the Monaco flag. Amaia has her red dress to wear but given the short notice I had to resort to Amazon to get some clothes delivered on time for Leia. I have just been emailed to say they are arriving tomorrow. TOO LATE!!! And this leaves me with the problem of where to buy " functional" clothes locally. They have just closed down the children's Benetton. My girls are allergic to Jacadi. Otherwise it is all boutiques at boutique prices!! 

An hour later and I have gone to Carrefour, Decathlon and various other shops in the Fontvieille shopping centre. I have returned empty handed. Leia mag well have to go to school in her kick boxing kit - at least it is red and white!! 

November news

So November... is going "fine". Fine said in a resigned voice which captures the guilt of being healthy, safe and financially secure but also with a dollop of frustration at how limited daily life has become. So Fine. 

We are lucky unlike many places in Europe we are not in lock down and even our curfew from 8pm to 6am is a little flexible if you are out for dinner (then it’s 10pm with the correct paperwork). Schools are open. After school sports activities on hold, Face masks must be worn at all times outside your home from the age of six. Restaurants remain open (and surprisingly busy) for lunch and dinner but coffees and snacks are take away only. None of this impacts on me as I so rarely go out anyway!

The first Monaco week-end went well too. We decided to actually use our dining table at the weekends and not eat in the kitchen. The girls scootered to the park with Husband and played table tennis. We met friends for a long walk on the port. Monaco wasn’t that busy with people but there did seem to be a lot of non Monaco cars around considering France is suppose to be in lockdown! Overall the weekend was very relaxing and for now the flat was perfectly adequate in size to do all we needed to do. Our new sofa is also a hit as it sits all the family in comfort. Perfect for watching Strictly Come Dancing on a Saturday night! 

Other news... 

I am getting into my piano and relearnt Fur Elise now that Leia is learning it too. I’ve finished my Prelude in C Major and moved on to Moonlight Sonata. I’m practicing! And yes, it makes all the difference!

Amaia has discovered Harry Potter and as she keeps wanting to talk about it I have downloaded it to my kindle so we can read and discuss it together. I’m not hooked yet but it is early days. 

So far we have been lucky weather wise and the sun continues to shine most days - deciding what to wear is a nightmare! I’m either too hot or too cold!

I’ve started running again properly. It’s not enjoyable but it makes me feel better. Yesterday a ran 7.5km and the day before I ran 6km. It is on a 1.2km track and is unbearably tedious. I don’t even try and run fast but go slowly and only breath through my nose. It’s a new challenge. Another challenge is the No Finish Line starting in Monaco on Saturday. I have to think about that and what my challenge should be - 10km a day? 50km a week? Hmmmm.....

Right, it’s gone 11am and I need to pick up the girls - stay positive out there! A bientôt!

Camping O'Clock

Eventually, after a manic day that was very unlike a holiday for Husband he managed to put the tent up and start the fire pit. And suddenly everything changed...

Firstly the girls were super excited and enthusiastic but I also noticed a change in myself - Mrs I don't do Camping. I noticed things slow down and we all relaxed. I'm not sure if it was the fresh air or watching the hypnotic flames but suddenly none of us wanted to leave.

The rest of the evening was conducted out doors. We roasted marshmallows. We enjoyed a campfire Apero and chose to simplify dinner and  ate sausage and fried onion sandwiches outside instead. We made s'mores for dessert. We told scary stories by the fire. The girls went exploring in the dark corners of the garden (braver than I am!). It was quite simply a very lovely and memorable evening.

We settled down into the tent at about 9pm to watch a film on the iPad which was soon abandoned. We settled down to sleep and I nodded off straight away. But the night was long and we woke several times, all the while feeling slightly amused and whispering conspiratorially to each other. There wasn't the usual "I can't sleep" complaints. It was a relaxing environment despite the lack of comfort. The moon was bright and gave the gentle glow of a night light inside the tent. I felt safe. I listened to the new night noises and wasn't terrified!! It was all rather unlike me, calm, composed and cosy. Not how I imagined my first night in a tent. Even as lay awake it was a soothing sensation and my mind was not running wild it was just enjoying the moment. 

I noticed the drop in temperature at about 4am and by 6am I was awake and ready to get up. And get up we all did and snuggled into are indoor beds for another couple of hours of luxurious sleep... it was heavenly!!

Then came breakfast. The campfire was lit and husband dug out his old camping stove and make scrambled eggs for him and the girls. It was a leisurely breakfast. Again time seemed to slow down. We didn't hurry to get the day started, we sat around and talked, listened and joked. It was 11am and the fire was dying when the spell was broken and reality kicked us into action. 

It was less than 24 hours and yet I felt so happy that morning. Despite the new lock down restrictions we'd found a way to try something new, to live a new experience and create a thousand new memories all in the safety of our garden.  

Lost...

 In a book. The Evening and the Morning by Ken Follett. Utterly enjoying being engrossed in a book again! 

Partyyyyyyyyy!

 As I lie on my bed making steady progress on my book Amaia has come in to remind us that we have seven minutes until nibbles and the party starting. They love throwing "parties" but today we discovered they both got distinction in their LAMDA exams so we we have every reason and more to party!!!

Sunshine, darkness and starry skies...

This half term we exchanged London for Tourrettes. We stayed home, we read, we cooked, we watched films and ate pop corn, we played badminton, we searched for ice cream and found none, we sat in the sun, we talked Christmas presents, we did homework in a relaxed manner, we wrote to friends, we chatted over the phone, we lay in, we drank hot chocolate (with marshmallows and whipped cream), we had a sleep over in another bedroom. I tried to do something different and treat like every day for the girls. I can honestly say we rested and recharged ourselves. BUT, but, but... despite all the good stuff, despite the glorious weather, despite the cosy nights, despite being in our wonderful haven of a home my mood was down. I felt like a cloud loomed over me every day. The constant uncertainty is wearing thin and I am getting tired of Covid.

I am tired of the restrictions. I am tired of hearing about other people’s travels. I am tired of how people think these safety measure don’t apply to them. It does amaze me how selfish some people can be... and then it frustrates me and then it just angers me. 

So now France is about to begin a new lock down that will last until December. I will deal with it. I don’t think I will be able to escape to the house at the weekend. The four of us will be in our small flat. We will deal with it. I am not out trying to find ways around the new regulations. I don’t for a minute think this doesn’t apply to me. I am just hoping this lockdown works and Christmas away can become a viable option. 

And yet this week I’ve also experienced what so many people live through on a daily basis. The loneliness. The lack of company. I can totally get how lockdown isolation can mess your head up. And what about all those single parents out there? I’ve only done four days without husband and they have totally dragged. Of course I have done four days alone with the girls before but not in these conditions, not without distractions, outings, things to look forward to. It has been harder than I thought. A holiday at home under the COVID black cloud. 

I know this will all pass. As soon as husband comes through the door tonight I will feel happier, relaxed and reassured. Even writing it down has made a difference...

Right, so that covers the good and the bad now for the surprising. It will make you smile or maybe even laugh out loud! Tomorrow night we are camping! Yes, husband has bought all the kit and the four of us will have a night under the stars (in our garden so I can always escape to the safety of my bed if it gets too cold or uncomfortable!). We did a test run on the tent last weekend. My last time inside a tent was Glastonbury 1995!! Over the years I have ruled out camping but now, just for something different I am more than ready and even excited!!  That last statement... really?! Just goes to show COVID really can mess with your head!

Half Term Happiness

I love not being tied to a routine. No getting up for school. No appointments. This half term I will miss my family reunions of course but I am also trying to make the most of this sorrowful global situation.

Today is a rainy Friday and both girls have their best friends over. Normally we would be rushing off to London to meet my parents. I'm sad at not seeing my parents. But I am trying to focus on this new experience. No rushing around. No flights. No packed itineraries. No constant juggling act. No spending! No pollution. No crowds. Life truly has slowed down to a crawling pace for us, thanks to COVID. And for the sake of my sanity those are the things I have to stay focused on. 

I can see how I have adapted too. Yesterday I took the girls to an art exhibition in Villa Paloma. Today I have their friends over, something I have avoided for sooo many years. There has been talk of proper camping in the garden?!?!? I guess for me the lack of options and distractions means the girls have my full attention and energy which can't be a bad thing (this may change when I start my new Ken Follet book!).

Next week at the house we will cook and bake, we will have movie nights, hot chocolate, roasted marshmallows. I will make the most of my ESPA goodies. I will make more use of my mountain climber. I will breathe fresh air. I will read my new book. I will pray, meditate and enjoy those moments of silence.... And just stay focused on the good stuff.

Sunbathing and buttering baguettes

I know I am in danger of becoming a hermit. Thankfully on Thursday mornings I walk to Cap d'ail and join the Soup Kitchen. The first couple of weeks we sheltered in the kitchen but then someone had the genius idea of heading outside. We were probably just meeßw²eeeeseting COVID regulations as there were too many of us in a small space. Now we take it all outside and it is a glorious way to spend a morning!

Sunday

I went to bed on Saturday night feeling a little smug after two very successful playdates, a first confession and a lovely evening at home together. 

Sunday threatened to be very wet but in the end was little more than grey clouds and annoying drizzle. 

Amaia insisted I dust off my hair straighteners and "refresh" her hair. Hmmm.... 

The rest of the morning was spent hanging around waiting till it was late enough to get dressed! We arrived at the school promptly and husband then dropped Leia and I at the Cathedral. Forty five minutes later the mass started and it all went very smoothly... Amaia has finally made her Communion! What a relief!!

It was too windy for photos outside the Cathedral and I think we were all ready to head home. We have never been great at taking family photos and today was no different!

Thanks to COVID we had no family fly over and spend the weekend. If my parents couldn't join us I didn't want anyone else to. This meant that the celebration was just the four of us and as a special treat we took the girls to Le Grill at Hotel de Paris. We kept it as a surprise and the look on the faces of my little foodies as they entered the "fancy" hotel was indeed a picture.  As always the restaurant didn't disappoint. The food and service was great and overall the meal was memorable especially for the girls who also got a tour of the kitchen.

We headed home mid afternoon for a very lazy few hours watching Legends of Kora which is all Amaia wanted to do! 

By the end of the day we were all super tired but super happy. I'm so relieved that it all went ahead without any hitches. It is the closest we have got to planning anything during this pandemic!!

The Big Day!

 I am writing this as the family sleeps and the flat remains in darkness. Outside there is the ever approaching rumble of thunder and an odd lightening strike. Amaia’s Communion Day has arrived and it is going to be a very wet one! But that’s ok because on Friday afternoon  I wasn’t even sure it was going to take place! I got a call from the school telling me Amaia hadn't felt well all afternoon and was running a temperature. Of course the first thing that sprung to my mind was COVID. We had made plans for that afternoon and evening and everything got cancelled even though Amaia made the speediest of recoveries. It’s amazing what fresh air, breathing without a mask and taking off your thick school hoody can do! So we had a quiet Friday night promising the girls if we did this all the play dates we’d planned could continue. They grudgingly accepted the earlier bed time and lighter dinner.

Saturday Amaia woke up ravenous, Thankfully the bakery is literally next door and we settled down for a pastry breakfast. At 10h00 Amaia had a hair dresser appointment and had her first ever blow dry. It took over an hour! Of course she endured the discomfort of being pulled this way and that without one word of complaint (unlike when I brush her hair!) and she was beyond delighted with the end result. It was worth it to see her smile at the end!

Meanwhile back at the flat Leia was having a play date with her best friend, Leia. There was lots of music, dancing, playing, craft work and general fun, They only stopped when the pizza delivery arrived. The hours flew by and at 14h00 we had to leave a smartly dressed Leia at the school to make her first Confession. Husband acted as the family chauffeur as we dropped off my Leia at the school, dropped the other Leia off home and picked up Amaia’s friend for an afternoon play date. Again the afternoon flew by with games,treats, Pokemon cards, make overs and card making. Both times I was mostly ignored and able to do my own things. They were extraordinarily relaxing play dates! 

Today Amaia will be dropped off at the school at 9h45 and we will head to the Cathedral. The mass itself won’t start till 10h30. Not sure what we will do in the time inbetween!

A deafening clap of thunder has brought the girls running out of their room... I guess my writing session is over!

Stopping and breathing

Once again  I am under the little olive in the square near my soup kitchen. It is a glorious day. Soup kitchen was done al fresco rather than in the sauna like conditions of the Cap d'Ail sports hall. It flew by and being outside definitely helped. I hope it lasts!

This week has been much quieter. It has also been productive when needed but I've still found some down time. The trick is telling myself I'm not rushed off my feet and there is a time for everything.  Sometimes I forget. Then I remember. Stop. And breathe. I'm far from a zen master but I'm also a less harassed version of last week! 

Admittedly the second half of the week is more calm but there is always stuff to do that I hadn't planned. Today I'm off to Carrefour to buy some things for those people badly hit by Storm Alex last week, then I will drop the off at the school collection point. All takes time. 

The count down has begun for the weekend and in usual style we have filled our Monaco weekend with dinner with friends and numerous play dates for the girls. Amaia is also having her first ever blow dry at a proper hairdressers. I tried to put her off but she has clearly inherited my family's love of hairdressers that I don't share at all! (My first haircut of 2020 booked for tomorrow! And that only happened to make me look presentable this weekend!)

Right my coffee is finished and Carrefour in all its glory beckons. Laters. X

Lots on

I started writing yesterday but my brain was too tired to form coherent sentences and my body was physically drained. It had been a shockingly busy day, no busy week even though I can’t actually remember much about it!

Monday was cleaning, 

Tuesday was piano and a run out of Monaco at last! It made me realise how much I need that scenery if I am to do more than a 5k run! It was lovely being out of Monaco! 

Wednesday was a half day at school and girls at home. We prepared the living room for the LAMDA exam the next day and the girls did a mock exam with their teacher. I had to be more involved than usual just setting up the iPad for the Zoom exam, marking the floor where they were to stand, where to put the chair when they sat down and generally check it was all running smoothly. Fun! When that was all finished Amaia and I went to buy a pair of shoes to wear with her new dress (to be worn for lunch after her Communion Mass). The shop assistant was busy trying to get her into some sensible navy shoes but we left the shop with some very pretty sparkly ones instead! 

Thursday I walked to La Turbie with a friend, then walked to the school and back as I had to pick the girls up for the actual LAMDA exam. They had a restful afternoon and were more than ready for the exam which flew by after the initial delay. In fact the whole exam process was so much more relaxed and less time consuming than the usual face to face exam. The girls came out on complete highs. It didn’t stop there. Leia and I went off to her kick boxing class where I killed an hour by popping into Carrefour and then catching up with a friend into her eighth month of self isolation!! Thank you Covid. I picked Leia up and due to the lack of buses ended up walking to the new burger restaurant “Steak and Shake” for a celebratory post exam dinner. Then we walked home. That made it 20km in one day and 55km in four days!! No wonder I was soooo tired. 

Needless to say the arrival of Storm Alex yesterday gave me the excuse to do stay home A LOT yesterday. I had a very lazy day. I did however venture out to get my eyebrows seen too. The end result was “adequate” but the whole experience was so not to my usual standard. I cannot wait to return to Shavata and have them work their magic again, in the meantime these caterpillars will have to do. I also had the surprise of a Skype call from my friend Nancy, these have been cut severely due to the time difference and school schedule so I made myself a coffee and settled in for a good chat! 

It was indeed a full week but I am sure that part of the pressure I was feeling was due to the girls’ exams and my new role in them. Thankfully they were a lot more relaxed. There will be more of the same this week. Piano on Monday, orthophoniste and kick boxing on Tuesday, LAMDA on Wednesday, Kick boxing on Thursday, Friday no activity but maybe some socialising. Saturday Leia will make her confession and on Sunday Amaia finally makes her Communion. 

I am going to press post now without checking as my iPad isn’t cooperating anymore! 

Playing catch up

 It is now the third week of school and I feel like I am barely on top of things. 

I am writing this in the cooling shade of an olive tree while sipping a cappuccino, there is a bright blue sky, the sound of running water and generally it is all rather lovely. I am writing this because I think I need to remind myself that there is room for downtime in my day and I need to remember to stop and breathe.  It is the third week of term and I am not feeling on top of things.  

It all started on Monday when I had to send the girls off home alone so I could attend a school meeting which ended up dragging a painful two hours. 

Tuesday I had piano lesson and then the girls started their new book club so it was another late evening for us.

Yesterday I finally sat down and did some long overdue paper work in the morning but then I had the girls from 11h30. They had LAMDA in the afternoon. I prepared dinner. After LAMDA Amaia and I went out shopping for a new outfit for her Communion lunch (October 11th with just the four of us attending- thank you COVID!). We rushed back and I made the girls their favourite- spaghetti con chorizo for dinner before heading back to the shop so Amaia could try her dress on for daddy who passes through the shopping centre on his way home. 

This morning: soup kitchen and then Carrefour. Avoiding public transport means although Monaco is small it still takes a while to walk everywhere and so alot of time is spent walking! 

I'm not sure if I am whinging or having a bad week or feeling slightly overwhelmed by the new routine. But what I do know is that everything will pass. With time things will settle. I will get on top of everything and have more time for quiet coffees and deep breaths!!

The Now

I wanted to start writing again but ended up completely daunted by the "catch up" required. I decided that the simple solution was to just capture the "now" which in it's own way will also be a snap shot of the changed world we are living in. 

So, the girls are happily back at school but wearing masks all day. 

I am slowly getting into a routine which consists of a lot of domestic chores!! Having to wear a mask most of the time makes going out a lot less appealing!!

Over the summer we got new furniture for the girls' bedroom and our sofa bought back in February finally made an appearance. These changes of furniture also resulted in a lot of much needed clearing out!!

The girls have restarted piano and LAMDA. Leia will start kick boxing this week and Amaia has her first book club session tomorrow. I continue with my piano lessons and running.

Now I've just enjoyed my first coffee in the chocolaterie since goodness knows when and now I'm off to a school meeting for Leia's class. 

Pressing send!

Covid Continues

We are in the second week of a new school year!! Despite COVID we are actually carrying on as close to normal as possible. The girls were super, super, super excited to be back  Even wearing a mask all day wasn't enough to dampen their enthusiasm. And I am so happy for them!! I am truly grateful that there is some kind of normality and routine. Yes, we wear masks a lot but they are interacting with other children and being taught by professionals!! It has to be better than last term!

My life is much quieter but I am content. I am not so keen to go out for lunches and coffees (nor are there many invitations) but we did do a final lunch in Valentin (my favourite local restaurant) before it closed for good on Friday. It was a VERY sad day for all the family!

We still have a few activities during the week: piano and LAMDA and Leia starts kick boxing next week too.  

14

Sorry if this is a bit soppy!!

Fourteen years ago today I married the boy from school with the easy smile and sparkling eyes. Today I still marvel at the exquisite taste my attitudey, DM boot stomping, know it all 18 year old self had!! 

I still find myself swooning daily like that love sick teenager  over silly little things that mean a lot, like making my coffee just as I like it, buying me special cooling shower gel for the summer months, charging my phone for me most mornings when  I forget, bringing back my favourite chocolates or salt and vinegar crisps from the supermarket, listening to me go on and on, telling me he loves me several times a day and giving magnificent hugs that make everything better. When I want to scream and shout he can reason with me and bring me back down to earth gently. He is the calm to my storm and the order to my chaos. 

Thank you for putting up with me.  For making my world better than anything that 18 year old could have dreamed of... I couldn't ask for more. Xxx

Summer Days

This Summer has certainly been low key. I can go for days without leaving the house. I can count the number of times I've been out for dinner or lunch. I haven't on line shopped AT ALL!! 

Instead the cooking/baking frenzy continues - curries, cookies and cakes! We've bought a badminton set for all of us to play on. We have increased our collection of games and scrabble has become a favourite. 

The Summer bustle of the village doesn't appeal anymore. We have to wear masks in side shops, public spaces and when moving  inside restaurant, cafes and bars. I'd rather stay at home! 

Everyday we hear about the rise in cases, possibly the highly anticipated second wave. Cities are being locked down in Spain and in England. France's cases are in freefall too. The media is full of dread and fear and uncertainty. Will we return to school in September? Can people fly off on their Summer holidays? Where is safe? Where should be avoided? There are no concrete answers as the situation is bound to shift again! 

What an utter mess!!

Covid 19 Summer.

Apparently I haven't written for a while. Why would I? Life is different. Even the "new normal" is constantly changing. Nothing is normal. And yet I am one of the lucky ones. I've travelled. I've reunited with my parents. I have access to plenty of outdoor space and have very little need to venture out. But somewhere inside me is a child screaming "This isn't fair! I don't want to live like this!" We did everything we were told to do but Covid 19 keeps moving the goal posts. Five months after lock down the only thing we can be sure of is Covid 19 still has the world firmly in ins grasp. The uncertainty of 2020 continues...

Post Lock Down

Ironically being "free" is proving more challenging than being in lock down. Yes I am allowed to leave the flat when I want, yes I can walk with or without a mask, yes most shops are open (masks obligatory) and restaurants opened this week too. And yet my day is spent at home over seeing school work as the girls are not going back to school this term. Turns out I am not free at all.  Not only am I not free I am working at being a (very unqualified) french school teacher, chef, cleaner and mama. I am totally aware than in the scheme of things this is not a problem just a huge change of lifestyle that is easier some days than others!

The May that never was

This year May was going to be busy... we had a lot of plans.

Amaia was suppose to make her Communion on the 17th May. My parents were going to arrive 10 days earlier providing Husband and I with some much needed child care. We were going to let the girls have a few “sleepovers” with my parents at the hotel while Husband and I checked out a few restaurants and maybe even fit in a night away!

My dad’s birthday would have fallen the same week and I had hoped we could have a celebratory lunch at Le Grill which is always a lovely treat. Of course we would have done more celebrating with the girls too.

I’m guessing my family would have arrived on the Thursday or Friday and the weekend would have been spent en famille eating and drinking and catching up. We would have split the time between Tourrettes and Monaco and if I’m honest we hadn’t got round to making any more plans because lock down kicked in.

Today we would have been flying to Paris to celebrate Leia’s 9th birthday. We had planned to visit Euro Disney as school is closed for the Grand Prix. (Thankfully they have still given the holiday despite the Grand Prix not happening!) We would have visited my cousin and explored Paris too. Who knows what else we would have done?! In the end none of it got planned or booked.

Monday is Leia’s actual birthday and the day she was due to leave for her first ever school trip away. She was super excited! She would have had a birthday with all her class and enjoyed four nights away from home!

But instead there are no flights, no Communion,  no fancy meals, no family reunions, no celebrations, no Euro Disney and no first ever school trip and no idea if all those things will ever be possible or as carefree as they once were... I’m not upset or moping just stating what life was like before - busy!