The Stranger

I do not recognise myself at the moment. Who is this person? I certainly haven't met her before!

On Wednesday I took the 06:47 train to the airport, the 08.55 train to Barcelona and finally the 12:45 train to Girona. I met up with a group of strangers for a running holiday in Costa Brava.

With all the excitement of Amaia's evening I didn't have time to think about the trip. I packed 3 days running kit, jeans and a top for each night. I have never been more efficient or practical in my life!

I didn't worry about my clothes, my conversation or the impression I would make. I didn't worry about my ability or fitness. There were no nerves! I wanted to do something new, challenging, different and totally out of my comfort zone. I found it. I love it. Don’t get me wrong, it has been hard at times, I've been pushed but not forced, encouraged but tested. Turns out I am a pretty good runner, very strong on inclines, cautious on descents, I have stamina too. No injuries (people were surprised) and good on different terrains. I would never have said any of those things about myself  before. It is funny the stories we tell ourselves and believe. I think mine may need adapting! 

I also didn't expect to be so comfortable around strangers. I'm enjoying their company with ease, as if this is something I do all the time! 

Today is our last full day of activity. My body aches but in a good way. I am full of ideas of how I can change my running routes, add some trails, embrace inclines, use steps and even throw in a swim! It's taken a while but this stranger that turned up and threw her self into the unknown with such determination, confidence and strength wants to settle in and stick around. I say "Welcome. Make yourself at home."

Last night...

 I feel like I have been quiet lately. Partly because life has been busy but uneventful! There hasn't been much to write about other than my despair about how some people dress!! A bra top is still a bra. Not a top. Also, gym wear is unsuitable at a proper restaurant. And finally, is it ever the right time to wear a white, tight, strapless dress that barely covers your backside? It certainly isn't at 10am when I'm enjoying a morning coffee!! So... I have been feeling a bit negative and overly judgemental so thought I would keep silent. 

But yesterday... yesterday was a moment to be remembered. We attended the gala evening of the Prince Pierre Foundation where prizes were given to celebrate new music, literature and philosophy. Yes, I had a crises about what to wear! But the evening wasn't about me. It was about Amaia. She had been on the jury for best new debut novel and was going to read an extract to a packed exquisitely, beautiful Salle Garnier with the Monaco royal family in attendance. I was terrified! I needn't have been. She sailed through it like a professional. Reading clearly, slowly and expressively. She was totally undaunted by her audience. I was amazed. This is my 16 year old daughter?!? Wow. Just WOW! She belonged on that stage. Standing by the lecturn she was confident and in control, I caught a glimpse of her future self and was left in complete awe.

And I haven't even mentioned that she looked Amazing! Elegant dress, slicked back hair, barely there makeup and a beautiful, light up any room smile!

Amaia, you are a star!

Autumn vibes

 I’m home with a snotty, sneezy, yucky cold. What happened?!

I left Monaco on Friday in full on Summer mode and came back to Autumnal coolness. My linen clothes that I washed last week will not be ironed. They will be put away until Summer 2027. I’m sleeping under a duvet for the first time in months. No mosquitos. Coffee is drunk hot again. Jeans are an option. I no longer sport a sweaty shine all day long. And it just feels like the season has very much changed. In a week. I don’t mind. I’m ready for a little chill and rediscovering my warmer wardrobe. Bring on the jackets and coats! 

Travelling Light, Returning Loaded

 

I travel light. Handluggage if I can get away with it. I pack an amazing capsule wardrobe! This handbag will see me through the weekend. It has several white tops, navy cashmere jumper, a navy top, pj's, underwear, writing paper, toiletries and makeup, 2 small books and a kindle, a folded Longchamp bag for my return and charging cables.  

I am off to London to stay with an old friend from my uni days. You know, the type of friend you just pick up where you left off and always have something to talk about. She knew me before I became a wife, mother, middle aged housewife! 😃  We have booked ourselves a treat day at Daylesford spa in the Cotswolds. It is super relaxing, restful and restorative. Plus interesting people watching.  I can't wait!

I've done some online shopping and I'm ready to pick up packages along the way and browse around the shops plus get my eyebrows done (it's been six months!). I'm particularly excited about this little number... 

So I will be back on Sunday night with my new purchases and laden with M&S chocolate roll tubs, a mountain of Cadburys chocolate and maybe another treat or two.

Digital Detox

 Leia left for a school trip today. She has started Lycee and this is supposed to be a “bonding” with your year group. They haven’t gone far but they are in the countryside. On Monday I attended a meeting and was pleasantly surprise to hear phones are banned. This is a digital detox for 14-15 year olds and I truly hope they can enforce it. What’s more I saw their schedule and it was great! I’d pay for a holiday like that! It includes workshops on nutrition, sleep, exercise, self confidence, a day of hiking in the mountains to a waterfall, stretching and relaxation twice a day, morning warm ups before breakfast, calm time and they’ve even managed to fit in a mass. Seriously?! Apart from the dorms and shared bathrooms, that is my kind of holiday! I’m looking forward to hearing how it goes and what she learnt. And how it felt without the constant distraction of music, photos and videos. I wonder how other kids will survive being cut off from their social media and their online life that seems more important than reality. I wonder how some parents will survive without the constant messaging too. Will there be withdrawal symptoms? Cold turkey in the mountains? Yes, it is going to be an interesting return…

Rebellion

 The last week I have been on an amazing streak with my Oura ring,  optimal scores in sleep, readiness and activity with my resilience rocketing to “exceptional” which is very rare. But today I have found myself alone at home for a good ten hours. I took my ring off to charge and then decided to keep it off. No, I wasn’t going to do the 13500 steps, no I wasn’t going to exercise, no I wasn’t going to watch my inactivity. I was just going to do whatever I wanted to do without any stats. I have not left the house(yet). I have cleaned, ironed, tidied, washed, watched TV, listened to a podcast, prayed, eaten, prepared dinner, put away clothes, pottered about and now I am going to indulge in some afternoon reading. What a rebel! 

Hopeful

The first week back is almost over. The girls are happy and settled at school. I however  started the week with endless complaints. 

It was hot. 

It was humid. 

It was so crowded. 

Seriously, the Summer is over. People go home! But Monaco always feels slightly cramped and crazy, I was the one that needed a change of perspective. 

And here it is. Leia's first kick boxing class of the year. The temperature has dropped. I am not sweating. There are refreshing little rain drops falling every now and then. We walk and talk about the new teachers, which ones are cool, funny or strict. I leave Leia at the stade and go off towards Fontvielle port. A huge rainbow greets me and I am just filled with hope, optimism and excitement for the year ahead. 

I'm looking out at this view as I write and thinking " actually, Monaco is not so bad...".

Papa

Today my dad’s ashes will be left in their final resting place. Ten months to the day he left us. 

I don’t remember writing the piece below but I must have put some words down for his funeral. I would never have been able to read them aloud. I probably never will but here it is for you Papa….

No se como se dice unas palabras de mi padre cuando hay tanto que se pudiera contar. Estos últimos días hemos llorado y reído con las memorias, anécdotas, bromas y broncas que hemos pasado juntos como familia. Unas palabras no bastan. Pero os veo todos presentes y se que vosotros también tenéis vuestros recuerdos y sabéis cómo era mi padre 

El era un hombre de pocas palabras pero lo decía todo con pequeños detalles y atenciones. Y mi padre nos demostró y pasó a mi hermana y a mi que cuando las palabras no llegaban había el lenguaje de las lágrimas. Cuando se encontraba rodeado de amor, alegría, cariño, inocencia y más amor, cuando veía los resultados de todo su trabajo, sacrificio, amor y servicio venían las lágrimas. Caían frequentemente y nos decían todo lo que las palabras no podían.  Y las lágrimas que caen de mi parte y de mi familia ahora dicen lo mismo. Son lágrimas de alegría, de amor, de agradecimiento .

Lágrimas que dicen gracias papá, por el marido, padre, iaio, tío, amigo, que has sido, gracias por enseñarnos  a disfrutar de lo sencillo y , gracias por acompañarnos en los buenos tiempos y en los malos, por los 18 años que luchasteis para estar con nosotros, sin quejarte del dolor, gracias por el ejemplo, gracias por todo.

You are loved Papa. 

You are missed every single day.

Yes, I am crying.

Our last photo together... 

Bliss

 I'm not on social media nor am I obsessed with taking photos instead I will capture this idyllic moment...

After a final dip in the pool, I am drying off on a lounger. The sun has lost it's aggressive heat and now is gently warming me. In the distance I can hear the beats of a birthday party that has played an excellent playlist all afternoon. Thank you DJ! It is almost 7pm and it has been a gentle, easy day, Mass, reading, lunch, reading, napping, reading and pooltime reading. Tomorrow we return to MC but right now I have hit this mellow, glowing sweet spot of perfection.

Summer draws to an end and it has been an absolute pleasure. 

What?

 Times have certainly changed when the waiter now asks the girls if they will be having wine!! When did that happen?!?! 😯

I’m back!

 Second post in one day! 

I know it has been a long time (6/4/2025) since I last wrote and a lot has happened and I am sure I will cover it all with time. Some things are easy to write about and others will be emotionally draining and very difficult but, in time, all will be covered. At the moment I just want to say is I’m 51 and feel pretty much the same. Still running but no more marathons, thrown some yoga into the mix and HIIT workouts and maybe weights as I’m getting older. Super proud of myself this Summer as since I got back from Valencia my Oura ring is regularly giving me optimal readiness and sleep, my resilience is high and my fitness too. Unlike my younger self I don’t need drinks and nibbles every night, sleep is very important and 5 mornings a week I do a quick 4km run just to get some steps in. That will increase once I’m back in MC and the weather is cooler. So overall I’m very chuffed with this Summer’s efforts plus I’ve had fun, rested, relaxed, read, written and generally feel refreshed! Yay to getting older and wiser!

Annecy

 So, last week as I was chilling in Tourrettes I started reading some old blog posts and well, it’s been 19 years of occasional write ups. I was 32 when I started with “9 hours to kill” most days. It was a shocking (but fun) read and I thought I should definitely write more. It’s a convenient way to remember how life is and was… This 51 year old dreams of having a couple of hours to kill!

So here I am in Annecy. Husband has wanted us to visit for years and we finally made it. What can I say? Firstly, that my view as I sit and type is beyond stunning. The lake is peaceful and crystal clear, the mountains surrounding it, majestic, demanding respect and awe, the calm waters are dotted with pedalos, padel boards, schools of sailing boats and an occasional swimmer. Despite the huge amount of activity in and around the lake it doesn’t feel busy, there is enough for everyone. The lake is surrounded by huge century old plane trees that provide shade and shelter along the walk way of Avenue d’Albigny. Our apartment sits above the tree canopy and we have the view of all views. I could sit here all day watching the hours pass on this masterpiece nature has provided. It is magnificent. 

I have been to beautiful lakes before but this time it is different. This is France not Italy and what I notice is how everyone is getting the most out of their surroundings. Everyone has been provided for. Along the lake there is plenty of surprisingly green lawns for people to sit around, sun bathe, pic nic, the “beaches” are free, there are plenty of seats, benches, even loungers for people to rest, watch the world go by, there is a very popular cycle path and plenty of walkway. There doesn’t appear to be anywhere exclusive. There are no fancy speed boats, yachts or boat taxis. It all feels very calm and rather wonderful. I truly wasn’t expecting anything like this but this place has a touch of the magical about it and I know we will be back.

50 today!

I'm 50 today. It feels great. I feel great. I love being 50! 

Seriously, if some one has said describe your perfect day this really would have been it. I normally try and keep things low key, I don't like to boast or show off but today, it is different. Today I'm writing to mark this milestone of a birthday, to remember how happy I am, how lucky I feel, how much love I have received.  Today needs to be remembered as just one of those perfect days... Thank you God, thank you Universe, thank you all the stars that aligned to make today my day. 

I awoke to cards and gorgeous gifts, love and thoughtfulness. My one request had been to  wake up in a hotel on my birthday... we did. Le Mas Candille in Mougins. Glorious! A sumptuous breakfast was enjoyed where I indulged in too much sugar! Husband and I walked to the village and the church bells began to ring. I was just in time for Mass! A moment of calm, quiet, gratitude and prayer for all the things I have been blessed with. 

We checked out of the hotel despite the gorgeous pool and beautiful surroundings. Posing poolside is not my thing plus I wanted to get home for cake and bubbles! Instead of the showers predicted we have had warm sunshine, birdsong and gentle breezes, blooms and blossoms. Every sense is heightened and I feel cocooned in perfection. Champagne and cake, then the hammock and latest Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie novel. Utter bliss. Paradise exists. Dreams come true...

I am so lucky, so blessed, so happy. There are more hours to enjoy on this birthday but for now I hope I have captured some of its delicious exquisiteness and I leave you as Husband has joined me bringing chilled champagne and chocolates.

Cheers. To being 50! X

Mass, me and March thus far

So often I try to create a good habit. And so often I fail. When it comes to Mass I didn’t even try, it just fell into place.

There was a point in December where things got a little too stressful and beyond my control. I found myself at the 08:15 mass in the Church behind me. I have over the years gone to Morning mass but it never stuck. This church is 130 steps from my building. It is very convenient!  I found in those stressful days that mass was a comfort, a moment to myself before the chaos kicked in. I like the sense of space it gave my day.

In January I found myself going once or twice a week and then suddenly, with minimum effort by the half term I was going every day. I continue to go every day and I am in absolute wonder as to how this has happened. Going to mass daily certainly hasn’t made me more religious or saint like. Ironically, if anything, it has just highlighted how much of my time in mass is usually spent thinking about other stuff… my to do list, meals, what to wear, exercise etc. But in becoming more aware of my train of thought it brings me back to the moment, and back to mass, for a few minutes at least. It feels, to some extent like a practice in mindfulness or meditation. Sometimes my mind runs all over the place and other times it hushes a little enough to engage in prayer and thought. As the weeks pass I find more moments of quiet at mass and interestingly enough throughout my day. It feels like my days have more space and time moves more slowly when they start with Mass and that is what I need. 

On top of that I found that dropping piano means I can no longer be constantly disappointed with myself for my lack of practice. And I’ve added Yin yoga to my exercise routine that encourages stretching and despite the initial discomfort leaves me in a zen like state at the end of the lesson. So far everything in March feels calmer and quieter and peaceful and I am lapping it up. I hope it isn’t the quiet before the storm! Next month I turn 50!!!

February

 I cannot believe the pace this year is going at. How are we at the end of the month already? I think the first week was spent in shock that it was February already. And then we broke up for a two week half term although we’d only been back at school for a month! 

February was always a month that was a bit “meh”. But once I met Husband big things happened in February. Our first date, our first kiss, our engagement, I passed my driving test and finally the birth of Amaia. For me, the month also marks the passing of time. It marked our 23 years together and also 15 years of being a mama to Amaia…

Wrapping up 2024

 One of my aims this year was to start writing this blog again… I feel if I manage a post before January ends then the writing will continue throughout 2025. Right? 

But before we kick off with 2025 I really should wrap up all the 8 months of 2024 that I neglected. Hmmm. How much time do we have? 

April. I can’t remember my birthday but I’m sure it was lovely! (Actually remembered I had a stinking cold and spent the whole afternoon at a Kickboxing competition for Leia that was very delayed starting because the Monaco royal family were in attendance!)

May, I do remember a trip to the Poquerolles for Grand Prix holiday and Leia’s birthday and absolutely LOVING it. It was bliss. 

June was Leia’s confirmation and my parents came to stay for the week. We knew the drill this time so it was a lot less hectic. This time my father and I had front row seats in the Cathedral due to his wheelchair. 

July was Spain and another family celebration of Leia’s confirmation. The whole family stayed in La Mozaira, for a lunch which turned into dinner. The rest of the family left the next day but Husband and I had an extra night of peace and quiet at the hotel. More bliss.

August was spent at the house with an escapade to the beautiful St Remy in Provence. 

September back to school. I had a long weekend with Jacob in London - a great holiday all round,

October half term in Spain.

November was quiet and December was crazy.

There will be more details on some of the above but for now I will say good night and welcome back blog! 

The last few weeks…

 Easter week started well enough but by Thursday it had well and truly deteriorated and I was in a foul mood. I just felt pulled and pushed in all directions, feeling bad mentally, tired physically and yeah, just over it ALL! The worst part is my exhaustion is self imposed, so I get to feel guilty about that too! 

On Friday morning I decided I was NOT going to put on my running kit, I was going to go out shopping, have a coffee, read my book and then browse on line until lunch time. A whole morning to myself doing whatever it was I fancied! My mood started to pick up… I still did my run that afternoon and we left early for the house too (the girls still had school despite it being Good Friday). Easter weekend was wet, grey and miserable which made it easy to slow down and do very little.  The long weekend was restful. We enjoyed lie ins, lazy breakfasts, lots of reading and good food. Slowly I began to unwind, ache less, smile more and generally relax! 

The following week was the one that led up to my birthday. Throughout the week my packages kept arriving. Yay! I also caught a cold starting with a sore throat and being so congested I couldn’t sleep. On Thursday night I woke up at 2.30am and basically never went back to sleep and yet on Friday morning I put on my new ASICS and ran 19km in two hours. I was on such a high after that. It was amazing! Back home, I stretches and did the fastest turnaround ever so I could be at Giacomo’s for lunch. It did not disappoint - truffle pasta and tiramisu. Delicious! 

With my cold my birthday was pretty tame plus Leia had a kick boxing competition and confirmation mass so that mostly shaped my day. I did enjoy being spoilt with my presents, lots of books, toiletries, chocolates, smelly candle, a new handbag ideal for travelling because it is HUGE, J Crew order of 2 candy striped shirts, a red bikini, navy shirts and a sequinned tee and some lovely earrings too. Dinner at Cinq that was as delicious as ever finished my day.

This week as been crazy too. Leia caught my cold and was off on Monday, she left for a confirmation retreat on Wednesday. Then Amaia was off with a cold (it got her worse than all of us!) for Thursday and Friday. I managed to do three runs and yesterday’s one of 22.5km was painfully slow. Thankfully there was some good stuff too, soup kitchen, breakfast with a friends and an unexpected glass of wine with a friend in the sunshine so I won’t complain too much.

The tourists and the sunshine have both arrived and Monaco is heaving. The Monte Carlo Masters is in full swing and there are far too many people on my running route ambling along and driving me crazy. The weekend promises more sunshine and we haven’t much planned other than the girls’ LAMDA exams on Sunday. Wish them luck!

Lent success and birthday weakness

 I didn’t give up sugar for Lent in the end. The two weeks of holiday put an end to that plus the marathon training meant the extra calories were needed. What I did give up was online shopping. I didn’t think I’d last but I did. My daily morning fix of Vente Privée and Westwing has finally been broken! I still check in at some point in the day but knowing I can’t buy anything really dampens the appeal. Until this week… Next week is my birthday and I seem to have some irrational fear of not having any presents to open whilst not actually wanting anything in particular. I did buy some books on Amazon and some toiletries on Lookfantastic and then I had a bit of a spree in JCrew… whoops. Three online hits in two days! But it is done now, I am safe knowing I will have some lovely books to browse, some pampering treats and if I’m lucky a new top or two in time for my birthday. 

Now the rain has stopped I’m off to do 10km while girls have LAMDA. 

Simplicity

I’ve noticed with my marathon training that my days are predictable and surprisingly simple. Every week (Monday to Friday) I do four runs,  two short, one medium and one long. I have one rest day which I don’t rush to fill with activities. I do soup kitchen and my piano lesson on Thursdays, yoga on Wednesdays, Friday afternoon is put aside for Nancy and I to catch up on Skype and socially I do one coffee a week and one lunch a week. But since I started my marathon training I’ve also noticed I make more time for daily prayer, reading, PEAK training, piano practice, tidying and even this blog! I’m not complaining, I love this lack of choice, lack of decision making and knowing what every day holds for me. It makes life surprisingly easy when you strip away all the unnecessary noise and keep the bits you want and enjoy, yes even piano is different when you practice daily! It isn’t even mid day on a Wednesday and I’m already posting… see what I mean? 

Running update

On Friday I ran a very slow but manageable 15.5km (almost 10 miles). I then walked a couple of kilometres home, did some stretches and ate lunch. Throughout the afternoon I kept waiting for my body to ache, seize up, feel exhausted but it never did. I felt absolutely fine. Today I ran 17.3km and again, my body feels fine. I’m not exhausted (just hungry!) and have gone about my day as normal. I’m not pretending the training isn’t hard because it is but I am quite happy with how my body is adapting. Now I just need to go a little bit faster!